abigailnicole: (happy)


"We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now."
-Martin Luther King Jr.

I just solved a physics problem I've been working on all day and got a wave of happy. Forget the other five problems I have to solve before Friday that I can't do yet. One victory enheartens the soldiers!

It's 70 degrees in New Orleans. The sun is shining, the sky is blue and the wind is warm on my legs. I'm still in long sleeves, but the sunshine is heartening. When the sun shines and I can wear dresses it's Regina Weather. Half the reason I came to the city in the first place was "and all the streetcars say hallelujah" all up and down the tracks my first visit here, and the promise of reading in the sunshine in Audubon Park.

I keep getting ideas to sew on, now that I'm at school without a sewing machine and, in short order, will be too busy to do even if I had one. The big shirt I'm wearing right now needs sleeves made smaller, I want to start a new quilt in mardi gras colors, I found the greatest pattern to make sweater-boots from Goodwill sweaters and ugly flat shoes, and as of watching Mary Poppins last night I want to make a navy blue tailcoat (probably from another coat). The workload is fairly light right now and it makes my fingers itch to make things.
abigailnicole: (Default)




moody writing, I would like to take a good notebook and start writing again. I journalled prolifically in 2008 but not at all in 09. I want to start the decade out right, writing again, but at the same time I feel very quiet these days. I don't know where to start.

maybe with fairytales.

My english class is intense. my teacher is a man who is just very intense. He is very focused, very deep, has thought processes that are...wow. Most people are not like this, they are not this focused on consciousness. Today we talked about fairytales and how suspension of disbelief is essential to the human mind and inbred at a young age--how much of our analytical process is based on suspension of disbelief, what logical fallacies are inherent in our everyday thinking?

It's interesting because I too think about these things, how did we get from single-cell amoebas to creatures that store a form of collective consciousness on machines? how does evolution work that way? I didn't think other people thought about these things and this class is proving me wrong. I am the kind of person who pays attention to details, and I am very much interested in how stories are crafted and appreciate that above all else--the attention to small details, well-placed; sketches of characters in a few deft sentences; plot twists that are entirely logical, unexpected, and delightful (the tree-of-life sap at the end of the Fountain). A good sense of timing.

"pattern recognition" he wrote on the board. how we take all these details in our lives and make them make sense. propter hoc--the notion that events that come in sequence are casually linked, how the human brain tries to make unrelated facts become patterns and place ourselves into those patterns. hocus pocus.

I found my song for January, 2010.
abigailnicole: (Default)


I have eleven stumbles, eleven new emails, a coke, class in an hour. I've been gathering time and strength to reply to these things. it's been kind of busy since I came back, but it's good to be back, to see everyone again and be back with all my clothes and friends and snoopy! I do, however, miss my parents, my bed, and my ukulele.

all the songs I've downloaded recently have been guitar-ballads, almost bluegrass-like in their picking precision. The Gambler. Food In The Belly. Oldertoo. even Hey Rabbit....sometimes good things fall through the cracks.

my ability to read things right now is not well, my contacts have been acting funny lately. Like my mother's! Reading close-up things with my contacts in has been silly, I have to Ctrl+ webpages and sit closer to the computer screen/textbook. My eyes are really bad--I went from -5.75 to -6 in my left eye this time, and I didn't think it made much of a difference? but I'll switch back to the old ones next time and see. I still have a box anyway.

It's really strange to think about waking up every morning and putting corrective pieces of plastic-membrane in your eyes so you can see. it's like we live in the future!

they're renovating campus. They took out the asphalt road to put in new asphalt, and a box of raised grass, and put new lamps next to the old lamps. it's like 'changed from glory into glory'....really, I don't understand the change.
abigailnicole: (Default)

jayne hat 002
Originally uploaded by purpleabigail
I finished jayne hat 2. Everything I am knitting right now is a repeat: this again. I made this for Kelsey last year, and his friend saw it and requested that I make her one as well, so I did and I will be repaid (in either money or bread or some combination of the two?). How much should I ask for? In bread and money alike, how much is this hat worth to a serious browncoat....take into account it is loving handknit as well as the too much orange.

also I went shopping and bought teal things. teal and red. Everything in stores is purple and teal and blue and I love purple and teal and blue, so I was very excited. if I had teal yarn I'd teal it up, though in truth I probably need some purple scarf or something to go with my new teal jacket and jeans. I COULD BE LIKE ONE OF THOSE UNICOLOR PANTSUIT OLD LADIES. IN TEAL. I'm done.

I just discovered flickr will tell me what camera I took a picture with--not only that, but the aperture, exposure, focal length, flash condition, ISO speed, exposure bias, encoding process, and other things I didn't even know I could do. I knew the internet was smarter than me but now my camera and flickr are working against me! someday they will overtake me. run, run fast.

TEAL GOES WITH ORANGE. as well as purple. maybe I will wear something orange now.

I am getting more sleep but not getting more sane. This is getting a bit ridiculous, living in my head is like trying to make a jam sandwich with a spork and two eggs instead of toast. and chemistry.
abigailnicole: (not envy)


what I feel like right now.

Last night I dreamed that Evian turned me into a vampire--like any good vampire dream in New Orleans, it featured Lestat--and it still didn't help with this awful toothache. In the dream, woke up in a four-poster going: "No! Vampires don't have toothaches!" and starving, ready to dig into some pancakes (with one half of my mouth) but woke up instead. 1000mg of acetomenaphin later (yesterday there was about 1200mg ibproufen, so I'm gonna start switching back and forth) I still can't swallow without feeling it all on my left side.



which turned into four inches of snow. I'm not in New Orleans anymore.....and oh, the Saints, so :( come on, win the rest and go to the Superbowl already. If you do, I'll forgive you this one.

knitting....oh man I've done mittens! I would say I've done lots, but just because totoro here takes forever...

in a good way. It's the fun kind of takes-forever knitting.

PS: I've decided Fionn Regan's The End of History is my winter playlist. it's lovely and sounds like winter. Right now, Snowy Atlas Mountains is very appropriate for being home, when the weather is desolate, in the snow and mountains.
abigailnicole: (Default)


now I am done with all my finals and it is raining like this. so my last night in new orleans I am somberly spending inside with too little food and the internet. I fly out tomorrow at 10am and usually I like to do flying-out sum-up posts. so.

It has not been a very good semester, or maybe I've just done a poorer job at being a happy human being this semester. I am glad it is over and I hope I got good grades and that next semester will be better, that I will do a better job managing all myself. I have not been very happy this semester. I have a month to work on it.

I keep giving myself more problems! first lactose intolerance and now maybe hypoglycemia! I've dismissed it before but THREE PEOPLE THIS WEEK have told me that I act like a hypoglycemic. I'm sorry guys, when I don't eat I get angry and then dizzy when I walk up stairs, why do I keep discovering eating-related disorders I may have. what if I really am perfectly healthy to eat anything and secretly have an eating disorder.

what if secretly inside my head I'm a crazy person who is going to die very soon?

I am very glad finals are over because maybe I will stop being crazy and get enough sleep and knit and read some books again
abigailnicole: (mad)


my roommates came in for a few minutes then left. I think they go the message with the PJs, the tea, the loud music and the HOMEWORK STREWN ALL OVER MY BED. HI I HAVE FINALS NEXT WEEK. THAT'S RIGHT, GO STAY AT YOUR BOYFRIENDS' HOUSE.

As it is I am blowing off a party for this. It is a party at the monastery, where I go for all my parties, but it is 33 degrees outside and everyone there smokes but me, so I would be outside in 33 degree weather watching a lot of people smoke cigars/cigarettes for a few hours. IT'S THIRTY THREE DEGREES oh it is so cold and it is so silly. It is SNOWING. not sticking, mind you, this is New Orleans. but still snowing.

finals list! I need to do orgo/physics/spanish and instead I just want to knit mittens. My hands were so cold today, guys. I'm gonna make owl mittens and line them in fleece and totoro mittens and line them also, in all likelihood, and then another pair for myself. I just want to knit mittens! I don't want to review 20 chapters of physics or proton nuclear magnetic resonance or infrared spectroscopy or rewrite my papers. I want HOT CHOCOALTE

okay sidetrack here. being on my period during aforementioned STUPIDLY COLD WEATHER has given me insane cravings for hot chocolate. I went downstairs, to the coffee shop under my dorm, you know? because they have ANDES MINT HOT CHOCOLATE and OM NOM IT IS DELICIOUS. So last night in the midst of my menstrual despair and mood-swings (if you can't tell by my tone so far) I went for this amazing hot chocolate. Three people in line. I walk up to the counter and am told: "I'm sorry, we're out of Andes Mints" and I'm pretty sure my face fell about three feet and looked like a five-year-old about to cry. The girl behind the counter looked very concerned and I walked away dejectedly.

So today I went to get hot chocolate at the cafeteria? except the machine also dispenses coffee. So the hot-chocolate I got was hot-chocolate with old, sour coffee. This was disappointing. Then I went to the food court, and THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED. My room has only tea, which normally I love tea and I'm drinking some right now but ON MY PERIOD AND IT IS COLD AND HOT CHOCOLATE OM NOM OM NOM.

Someone brought Chocovine to our thanksgiving party, which is a dutch alcohol that is basically "Dutch chocolate mixed with fine red wine" and by that I mean alcoholic chocolate milk. I tried a little bit even though I do not drink very much (this is my experience with all alcohol, just sipping out of other people's cups). Evian said it was her ideal menstrual drink. Chocolate and wine! perfect! But I must say just some creamy sweet hot chocolate is all I want. Maybe with whipped cream and marshmallows. oh man. I'm making myself crazy with desire for hot chocolate.

Okay, so 90% of this post has been just describing how badly I want hot chocolate. If you can't tell my moods are all over the place. Every song on my 'two weeks of rain' CD has at least 18 plays, it is really all I have been listening to and it is not really helpful either. Once you hit Upward Over the Mountain it's all "blood on the walls, and fleas on their paws, and you cried till the morning" and oh man, Brand New is nothing if not a downer. I don't think the rest of the CD is adequate enough to recover from it.

I was mopey all over the mall this afternoon and I don't know why except that malls always make me feel like an awkward, out-of-place middle schooler and I have no idea why. I'm blaming other people for my own decisions that have led to my conflict with them and I think we're too far gone to fix it. I do not know the boundaries of where relationships are worth trying to salvage.

I cannot be mopey anymore. As much as I want to wear pyjamas and knit on a couch while watching movies and drinking hot chocolate
there is organic chemistry on monday at 8am and I need to read/review/annote three chapters of physics a night to be on schedule for my friday final.
abigailnicole: (Default)


new shoes! I did actually cook thanksgiving in this outfit.

this week has been great. It's made me realize that it's possible to live in New Orleans and not jut be stressed out all the time! a week without homework? you know, Saturday I just went and took off to Magazine, JR drove us and we went to the yarn store, looked through prohibitively-priced boutiques, Friday night we ate at Juan's Flying Burrito. You know how much homework I've done? zero. I slept late and watched a lot of How I Met Your Mother, dressed up and wore tights and went internet shopping and bought christmas presents for people.

I feel better, too. not angry, not overwhelmed or harboring any resentment. I think one of the reasons I was mad at my roommates was because they watched Glee without me and didn't even ask me. well, you now, that's not the only reason, but it was the icing on the camel's back. but now Evian is back and let me wear her giant ridiculous christmas bow, and is reading New Moon, and last night we had a thanksgiving potluck and it was lovely. maybe things will not be awkward and awful for a while between people, just with school. because the next two weeks are the last week of classes and finals, which is just long frenzied nights of studying and then stumbling when you can't study anymore but feel like doing anything else would be counterproductive. finals. terrible times to be had by young and old.

but then christmas! home! no school! gingerbread houses with the library, floor is lava, knitting, watching star trek with mum and andrew. driving again! thank god for all these little things which overpower the big things.

ps I have google wave invites. anyone want one? come procrastinate with me.
abigailnicole: (mad)


right now I am so cozy. It's freezing outside (okay, 53) and windy! but right now I am inside with a blanket, a sweater and hot tea and it's fabulous.

After the orgo test my week is just beginning. Spanish paper, Spanish presentation, orgo lab final, physics homework! and I do not want to do any of it, I feel like watching some great sea monster movie, something sinister and mysterious and terrible with all tentacles and claws and giant luminous eyes in the dark waters.

I'll settle for bath house monsters.. really I just spend a good thirty minutes screencapping this instead of writing my essay, because there is an intrinsic relation between

and


and the monster in all of us. like tori-level symbolism in video form? but the music not so much. also I like saying RAR RAR AH AH AH ROMAR, ROMAMA, GA GA OH LA LA (and by that I mean 'romar').

I'm done.
abigailnicole: (Default)


both my roommates have swine flu.

I'm not living in my room this weekend/next week. this is really inconvenient. also it's sort of bringing a lot of issues we were having to the forefront. Next year I'm getting my own room, with a bed by itself and no other beds, no other people sleeping next to me.

The plus side of all this is that I've realized the small, incestuous group of friends I have is all willing to house and clothe me, which makes me feel loved. they're even willing to share cigarettes and alcohol, if only I smoked or drank. instead, I think I'll get them groceries.
abigailnicole: (not envy)


my roommate (suitemate, actually) has swine flu.
oh shit. and it's more dangerous if you have diabetes...
abigailnicole: (Default)

I'm spending a lot of time in the room alone lately. I think I'll have a crazy dance party to celebrate. That's a lie. I'm not alone, its me and the hamster. did I tell yall we had a secret hamster? I think I did.

I've been dreaming about orgo again. for the first tine in months I started writing stories in my head over the weekend, real ghost stories after my sad halloween story, thinking about beginnings, words printed on a page, you know how sometimes the first half of the first sentence is in small caps, the--

The first drink I ever had
was a mint julep, and I bought it myself.

but that doesn't get me anywhere fast. I'm being a mopey oxygen, but perhaps I'll write something out of it. Last night when I woke up I still felt like I was being polarized in some solvent, DMSO, or DMF, or acetonitrile. I feel like I should go to Dr. Zhang's office hours and talk to her. "I don't have any questions over the chapters, no, thank you, you're a great teacher--but I keep dreaming that I'm an enantiomer, that I'm being built by a concerted mechanism, that I'm being dissolved in solvent slowly, one atom at a time--" she'd think I was crazy. my subconscious is all existential angst mixed with chemistry.

also that sentence is true.


abigailnicole: (death)


oh man guys, all the numbers in spanish that are 100s are xxxcientos EXCEPT five hundred, which is quinientos. When my teacher made us read aloud in class NO ONE could say 1527, because we all said un mil y cincocientos y veinte siete, pero no es correcto, because unlike all the other numbers, five thousand is QUINIENTOS. this was throwin me off all weekend when I thought about it and now I understand why our teacher (native speaker from Chile) wants to give us a dates quiz.

Other than that my weekend was wonderful. my WIFE was here :D and Dustin and Welleford! We did EVERYTHING by which I mean we walked a lot...down Magazine and to the French Quarter...lots of walking. For Halloween we had a large party, consisting of: Neil Gaiman's Death (me), Marla Singer (Amanda), the Guitar Hero (Dustin), Dr. McNinja (Welleford), Simon Tam (JR), The Dread Pirate Roberts (Kelsey), Slave Leia (Rachel), the Phantom of the Opera (Miranda), and a zombie-Joker-clown (Evian). There is no group picture because I didn't want to take my Polaroid or Nikon to the French Quarter (understandable) and Amanda never took one. We lacked cohesiveness. Some year we say we'll all go as the Serenity crew, or all as the Endless, but I doubt this will ever happen.

also drunk people scare me and the Quarter at Halloween has lots. The person standing next to me on the streetcar (very next, two feet, it was the 1am streetcar) was throwing up drunk, but the kind of drunk where he was just kind of leaning against the doors and had vomit dripping out of his mouth. I think drunk people terrify me more than protesters, and protesters also terrify me. They're so angry! waving and shouting! They're so accusatory. JR wants me to go to the Tea Party in Baton Rouge next weekend. I hope that it will be a very peaceful protest, full of nice mugs of Earl Grey.
abigailnicole: (OMG)


Bailey asked me how my life was going "you know, outside of school."

A very puzzling question, indeed.


I'm sitting in the Academic Advising center right now. Physics Lab is due before class at 1, and my lab partner didn't email me his part until after midnight last night....by which point I was asleep...so this morning after physics I frantically ran to my appointment with the pre-med advisor. She's ridiculously laid back and all "meh, whatever" but said if I can keep a 3.6 (KEEP A 3.6) there's a good chance I'll get in Creative Scholars, which means I'll be accepted to Tulane Med School and won't have to take the MCAT unless I really want to (or want to apply to other places). So that's good and I just want to keep a 3.6! so much! If I can keep that up! If I can get a B in physics, an A in Orgo, and an A in everything else. O man. This is even more "KEEP GOOD GRADES" than I already am. 3.6 is real hard, guys. This is college. I have a 3.8 right now but Physics! orgo! ahhhhhh and next semester I want to take Genetics with Dr. V and Orgo II and Physics II and Literary Investigations, because this means that I'll be an English major. Oh look, that's my schedule, unless I also take Spanish. Maybe I'll take a semester off from Spanish. I have to write a paper for spanish today---


basically, it's not going, not really at all. just school. but if this creative Scholars thing works out then I will be GOLDEN after this. Junior and Senior year will be that. So one year of stress now.

and on top of all this I have a sty in my eye and didn't eat breakfast. what a shame
abigailnicole: (death)


I am leaving for home sans laptop. That means without. Just in case you need to get a\hold of me, I might check email on mom's laptop and I will have my phone.

I think that is all.
abigailnicole: (dreams)


I'm down to my last coke, a roll of spicy salmon, and one chopstick, studying distillation and gas chromatography. This morning Dr. Zhang told the class to applaud me because I knew the product of hydroboration followed by oxidation was syn -OH -H addition in non-Markonikov regiochemistry. Perhaps dirty, I-slept-in-this black is better than new dresses for days when you haven't showered and need to get things done, but it doesn't make you feel any better

sometimes I wonder if anyone is watching my life, government spies or Big Brother or even the people who live on either side of me, if anyone is watching me I don't know about, watching my black silhouette from some floor above me as I put n my iPod, walk to class, trip over the curb. How boring it must be for them, to watch me navigate all my well-worn paths and highways with such little skill, so much predictability. If God's watching us, I don't believe it's for entertainment value, unless maybe he really likes irony
abigailnicole: (Default)


first off, have a song:
Battles - Atlas
it doesn't have any words.

Second off, I've been thinking of Atlas Shrugged a lot lately. Amanda texted me about being on a train, and it got me thinking about Dagny Taggart; then a conversation I was having with someone about the things we liked when we were children and how we consider them silly now reminded me of the same conversation taking place between Dagny and Francisco.

does anyone else have the problem that in iTunes 9 now the mini-player in the taskbar doesn't work? or is that just me?

I've been kind of a mopey, electronegative oxygen all week. Perhaps after all my TESTS are OVER---did I tell y'all we get a three day weekend for Yom Kippur? Jewlane for the win--I will be able to finally relax. My FAVORITE LIBRARY IN ALL THE WORLD has sent me a care package so I can sew them a Where The Wild Things Are hat and Bailey is going to get me yarn so I can make this tree sweater. I'm bribing myself with them if I can get through all these tests in hard classes this week. I've been staring at textbooks and problems so long the words don't register in my brain anymore. This is not helpful.

Also mopey oxygen, clingy fluorine, and hipster noble gases are totally real things to call people. time to study more.
abigailnicole: (death)


my dream job is floating around the world in a zeppelin, making new things and thinking about them. I also like chemistry.

I have, however, very little motivation to study for the orgo quiz tomorrow. I like ethanol, I like methyl groups and cyclohexanes and 2,4-dimethylpentane. perhaps debo estudiar espanol, for I also have a quiz in that. tomorrow will be a very quizzical day.

I think I shall go as Death for halloween. I need to acquire a top hat and an ankh between now and then.

now all around me the lights grow dim and only mac screens illuminate their owners. I alone burn a solitary lamp in a dark room and pore over foreign languages and foreign substances; we shut the windows as if it will keep out the darkness. my motivation is not here, I wish to build things from air and water vapor. it is time for sleep--goodnight, all
abigailnicole: (dreams)


some points
  1. Brand New, you always come through for me when I need you
  2. I could still really use some appreciation
  3. I am typing on a computer keyboard where the y doesn't work. I have to Ctrl+V instead. how awful is this. This is because this is obviousl not my laptop, because when I came back there was sex, and so I'm in Willow lab. Whatever, I understand. But I don't have a lot of time to do homework today and this is pretty much it, so guess I'll just read Anthropology, Physics, and Orgo tomorrow. Whatever, it's not a lot.
  4. If this were my laptop I'd upload a new brand new song for you, from daisy, but it's not so I can't.
  5. I don't know my photobucket password. This isn't a problem except when I'm on other computers. I only have about 5 passwords, you think I'd remember....
  6. I dreamt of spanish class. Well, this isn't exactly right, I was in the high school auditorium but somehow watching the Superbowl at the same time. and I was thinking about Spanish--hablamos sobre el bolero, y en clase anteayer escuchamos a la cancion de "Piensa en mi" lo que es el titulo de la Phantom of the Opera, so in this dream they were singing "Think of Me" at the superbowl, except Raoul's part had been greatly expanded and included a soliloquy about how much he wanted to marry Christine but also how he couldn't because of a deep dark secret in his past, which I'm pretty sure was that he was already married. This is Phantom of the Opera at the superbowl with the plot of Jane Eyre in my dream.
  7. Also I'm taking my boyfriend out to dinner for his birthday tonight, which will be fun because we're going to the restaurant that invented bananas foster. But everytime I think about my birthday I just get kind of upset, because my birthday was pretty awful.
  8. I also had a dream that I met [livejournal.com profile] copperbadge on a boat to discuss fic over Andes mints and he was an especially petite girl. This is not what he is actually like, obviously, but this didn't really bother me at all and we discussed Torchwood and Mackinaw Island and food for a long time. I woke up starving
  9. and have still not eaten. I will go get a muffin, I think, because one cannot live in sexile without both computer AND food. cranberry orange muffin nom nom nom
  10. tension tension TENsion tensIONs. Positively and negatively charged atmospheres, how appropriate. I'm not doing well this week
  11. I am so glad there is not school tomorrow
  12. Brand New, you ALWAYS come through for me.
abigailnicole: (Default)


the quilt I made. without the quilting part. I want to make more, a quilt of multicolored beach houses and a mardi gras beads quilt. I want to make things, which is something I'm relatively good at.

Josh's suitemate has swine flu. Since I sit next to him in Orgo, as soon as he gets it I will get it, then JR and Carrie and Bailey and Evian will get it. Also a girl in my spanish class has it and just comes to class anyway. Today I discovered she lives on my floor. So if my roommates don't somehow pick it up first, I'm sure I will and give it to them.

And physics is awful. I don't know about force or magnitude or resultant vectors. I don't know physics at all. We're going to switch. I'm going to do her Orgo lab and she'll do my physics lab. Because I know about chemistry, me and chemistry are good and me and physics are not.

I am going here for dinner. what entrees sound good? I'm thinking shrimp something. I love shrimp a lot. Many of their shrimp dishes are named after people.

I've also discovered that I'm a lot worse friend than I thought I was. In many different ways. And I don't know what to do about it.

I could really use some appreciation right now

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Nicole

March 2013

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