abigailnicole: (mad)


my roommates came in for a few minutes then left. I think they go the message with the PJs, the tea, the loud music and the HOMEWORK STREWN ALL OVER MY BED. HI I HAVE FINALS NEXT WEEK. THAT'S RIGHT, GO STAY AT YOUR BOYFRIENDS' HOUSE.

As it is I am blowing off a party for this. It is a party at the monastery, where I go for all my parties, but it is 33 degrees outside and everyone there smokes but me, so I would be outside in 33 degree weather watching a lot of people smoke cigars/cigarettes for a few hours. IT'S THIRTY THREE DEGREES oh it is so cold and it is so silly. It is SNOWING. not sticking, mind you, this is New Orleans. but still snowing.

finals list! I need to do orgo/physics/spanish and instead I just want to knit mittens. My hands were so cold today, guys. I'm gonna make owl mittens and line them in fleece and totoro mittens and line them also, in all likelihood, and then another pair for myself. I just want to knit mittens! I don't want to review 20 chapters of physics or proton nuclear magnetic resonance or infrared spectroscopy or rewrite my papers. I want HOT CHOCOALTE

okay sidetrack here. being on my period during aforementioned STUPIDLY COLD WEATHER has given me insane cravings for hot chocolate. I went downstairs, to the coffee shop under my dorm, you know? because they have ANDES MINT HOT CHOCOLATE and OM NOM IT IS DELICIOUS. So last night in the midst of my menstrual despair and mood-swings (if you can't tell by my tone so far) I went for this amazing hot chocolate. Three people in line. I walk up to the counter and am told: "I'm sorry, we're out of Andes Mints" and I'm pretty sure my face fell about three feet and looked like a five-year-old about to cry. The girl behind the counter looked very concerned and I walked away dejectedly.

So today I went to get hot chocolate at the cafeteria? except the machine also dispenses coffee. So the hot-chocolate I got was hot-chocolate with old, sour coffee. This was disappointing. Then I went to the food court, and THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED. My room has only tea, which normally I love tea and I'm drinking some right now but ON MY PERIOD AND IT IS COLD AND HOT CHOCOLATE OM NOM OM NOM.

Someone brought Chocovine to our thanksgiving party, which is a dutch alcohol that is basically "Dutch chocolate mixed with fine red wine" and by that I mean alcoholic chocolate milk. I tried a little bit even though I do not drink very much (this is my experience with all alcohol, just sipping out of other people's cups). Evian said it was her ideal menstrual drink. Chocolate and wine! perfect! But I must say just some creamy sweet hot chocolate is all I want. Maybe with whipped cream and marshmallows. oh man. I'm making myself crazy with desire for hot chocolate.

Okay, so 90% of this post has been just describing how badly I want hot chocolate. If you can't tell my moods are all over the place. Every song on my 'two weeks of rain' CD has at least 18 plays, it is really all I have been listening to and it is not really helpful either. Once you hit Upward Over the Mountain it's all "blood on the walls, and fleas on their paws, and you cried till the morning" and oh man, Brand New is nothing if not a downer. I don't think the rest of the CD is adequate enough to recover from it.

I was mopey all over the mall this afternoon and I don't know why except that malls always make me feel like an awkward, out-of-place middle schooler and I have no idea why. I'm blaming other people for my own decisions that have led to my conflict with them and I think we're too far gone to fix it. I do not know the boundaries of where relationships are worth trying to salvage.

I cannot be mopey anymore. As much as I want to wear pyjamas and knit on a couch while watching movies and drinking hot chocolate
there is organic chemistry on monday at 8am and I need to read/review/annote three chapters of physics a night to be on schedule for my friday final.
abigailnicole: (death)


OH HI, TIME TO BREATHE, I HAVE SOME

hey ladies and gentlemen, it's 82 degrees in New Orleans (thank goodness, I do not want it to be 60 EVER AGAIN. this will not happen). My wife is coming to visit me this weekend :D! and Dustin, and Welleford.

now that I finished PHYSICS (for this week) TEST and HOMEWORK and I just have a lot of orgo to do (a chapter or so). but I have a new mug! It's ugly but it was 99cents so I bought it because hot water is free and it was less expensive than regular tea. you have no idea how excited I get about being able to drink hot tea in the mornings, because prior to this I had no cups. Mine went.....somewhere. So now I have one again and NO ONE WILL TAKE IT FROM ME EVER AGAIN. It's large so I leave the teabag in there to swim around. Yesterday my teabag disintegrated so I was drinking chai leaves. Perhaps I should get some sort of infuser ball, which would roll around and clunk while I drank it.


I've been SO ANGRY the past three days. Angry at my teacher, angry at my roommates, angry at my lab partners. Today I was feeling better until I found out that Rocky Horror was tonight and not tomorrow night, so now I'm angry again. the hell. It's supposed to start at 12 halloween night, not the night before. that FRIDAY by the way, halloween night starts midnight friday night/saturday morning. I just can't stay happy. this week has just worn me out.
abigailnicole: (Default)


sunday I woke up and it was dumb outside: "dumb outside" is a term commonly used in our room to refer to weather that is gray, blustery, raining, storming at uneven intervals, and the sky is a strange shade of gray that lightens intermittently throughout the day but really is just shades of gray. since it was dumb outside, I went back to sleep. This kept happening until I accepted that the weather wasn't going to get better and instead just laid in bed, reading and drinking tea. this happened all week

also I had a bowl of paella in the fridge, which I was going to eat for lunch, which has mysteriously gone missing. there is not even a "I have eaten the paella / that was in the fridge / I know you were saving it for monday / but it was so spicy / and delicious"

monday was good, though, other than that. I got a package mum sent me, I'm making a sweater...I shouldn't be. Then today was awful because my roommate decided on her major, so now I'm the only one who doesn't know and I have, oh, six months? to figure it out. I got more upset over this than I should have and had a series of unfortunate events. It culminated in the infamous "SAY WHAT ONE MORE TIME" scene. I think there are worse ways to resolve life crises, but unfortunately it was more of a stopgap than a resolution. whatever. my problem.


I have an open draft in Gmail of a letter home I can't seem to finish. I can't find words recently.
abigailnicole: (Default)

om nom nom )
abigailnicole: (dreams)


some points
  1. Brand New, you always come through for me when I need you
  2. I could still really use some appreciation
  3. I am typing on a computer keyboard where the y doesn't work. I have to Ctrl+V instead. how awful is this. This is because this is obviousl not my laptop, because when I came back there was sex, and so I'm in Willow lab. Whatever, I understand. But I don't have a lot of time to do homework today and this is pretty much it, so guess I'll just read Anthropology, Physics, and Orgo tomorrow. Whatever, it's not a lot.
  4. If this were my laptop I'd upload a new brand new song for you, from daisy, but it's not so I can't.
  5. I don't know my photobucket password. This isn't a problem except when I'm on other computers. I only have about 5 passwords, you think I'd remember....
  6. I dreamt of spanish class. Well, this isn't exactly right, I was in the high school auditorium but somehow watching the Superbowl at the same time. and I was thinking about Spanish--hablamos sobre el bolero, y en clase anteayer escuchamos a la cancion de "Piensa en mi" lo que es el titulo de la Phantom of the Opera, so in this dream they were singing "Think of Me" at the superbowl, except Raoul's part had been greatly expanded and included a soliloquy about how much he wanted to marry Christine but also how he couldn't because of a deep dark secret in his past, which I'm pretty sure was that he was already married. This is Phantom of the Opera at the superbowl with the plot of Jane Eyre in my dream.
  7. Also I'm taking my boyfriend out to dinner for his birthday tonight, which will be fun because we're going to the restaurant that invented bananas foster. But everytime I think about my birthday I just get kind of upset, because my birthday was pretty awful.
  8. I also had a dream that I met [livejournal.com profile] copperbadge on a boat to discuss fic over Andes mints and he was an especially petite girl. This is not what he is actually like, obviously, but this didn't really bother me at all and we discussed Torchwood and Mackinaw Island and food for a long time. I woke up starving
  9. and have still not eaten. I will go get a muffin, I think, because one cannot live in sexile without both computer AND food. cranberry orange muffin nom nom nom
  10. tension tension TENsion tensIONs. Positively and negatively charged atmospheres, how appropriate. I'm not doing well this week
  11. I am so glad there is not school tomorrow
  12. Brand New, you ALWAYS come through for me.
abigailnicole: (Default)


the quilt I made. without the quilting part. I want to make more, a quilt of multicolored beach houses and a mardi gras beads quilt. I want to make things, which is something I'm relatively good at.

Josh's suitemate has swine flu. Since I sit next to him in Orgo, as soon as he gets it I will get it, then JR and Carrie and Bailey and Evian will get it. Also a girl in my spanish class has it and just comes to class anyway. Today I discovered she lives on my floor. So if my roommates don't somehow pick it up first, I'm sure I will and give it to them.

And physics is awful. I don't know about force or magnitude or resultant vectors. I don't know physics at all. We're going to switch. I'm going to do her Orgo lab and she'll do my physics lab. Because I know about chemistry, me and chemistry are good and me and physics are not.

I am going here for dinner. what entrees sound good? I'm thinking shrimp something. I love shrimp a lot. Many of their shrimp dishes are named after people.

I've also discovered that I'm a lot worse friend than I thought I was. In many different ways. And I don't know what to do about it.

I could really use some appreciation right now
abigailnicole: (Default)

have a post about food.

so I might be taking a break from studying physics/orgo by watching Paula Deen on youtube, because I'm starving. I had a dream I made Eggs Benedict, and I'm not sure how you make Eggs Benedict in real life, but in my dream, I made poached eggs with hollondaise for Tara's wedding. I really want to make poached eggs sometime. The only food I want to cook is breakfast food, so I think I should make all of it. Eggs in the basket, poached eggs, oatmeal, pancakes with raspberries and blueberries....I think I should somehow incorporate sweet potatoes into breakfast, and cook some breads, and...yogurt-fruit-craisin-nuts salad, and donuts, and.....om nom nom.

Oh god, she's putting butter in every square of her waffle and deep-frying her bacon AND pork tenderloin, I'm so unsurprised. I'm sorry, "A good southern cook never takes all of her diamonds off"??!?! You'll have diamond rings in your waffles! You'll break your teeth off. Ugh but I'm so starving. Scrambled eggs in bacon grease with cheddar cheese sauce. If you didn't pan-fry your bacon how do you get bacon grease to scramble your eggs in? I don't care, I want some. Soooooo hungry, guys.

Taco Bell is not a good substitute. Not after you've watched Paula Deen cook breakfast.

The sushi I had for lunch was so good that I want to eat it again right now. It was a mysterious combo-pack so I might never get that specific type of sushi again. Mer. To console myself I am instead eating a twix bar. I swear I'm not that fixated with food this week, but every time I sit down to write on this blog I'm starving. Time to end this food-craving madness before I go eat an entire box of Wheat Thins and peanut butter--
abigailnicole: (dreams)


antichrist television blues! I've heard that watching television makes people feel less lonely and I agree. the illussion of companionship. The rest of the article was about how the human brain hasn't yet evolved to the point where we can distinguish in any meaningful way the difference between real people and and fake people on television--that is, they light up the same sorts of parts in your brain.

So this movie is kind of hilarious and I forgot that it was hilarious at first and just that it's stupidly sentimental at the end.

"Would you care to play bridge with me and my wife?"
"I'm sorry, but I cheat. It's an addiction."

"Don't talk to me."
"Don't talk to you? Then why did you call me?"

"And then...hmm? What? I thought you said something."
"Oh, I didn't say anything."
"Right. But you're right, you know."

"Do you speak Gaelic?"
"Fluently."
"How do you say let's get out of here?"

"Oh, my knees! They're as old as I am."

feeling restless. I'm ready to go back and not ready at the same time. waiting is awful. wish my friends would call me back, but I suppose you get what you deserve...

dinner of tomatoes and radio wire, honey bunches of oats and ricemilk, V8 splash and pink champagne....oh wait, guess not. why aren't any shakespeare movies on tv tonight?
abigailnicole: (happy)


sundays are quiet around here. wake up and snuggle and then sort of mope around, walk a bit and grocery shop, go to church day. knit, do some homework. except I must not knit because I must do lots of homework, also write letters to my family. etc. tonight. since I actually accomplished all the things on my todo liste except for studying for my spanish test, I feel entitled to blog and take pictures...

I have made friends with the sort of people who take off their shoes when walking to the grocery store. I consider this to be a virtue. today we went to Whole Foods to obtain food. The only thing is that Whole Foods is kind of like if you're vegetarian and you like to cook. If you're not, then ehhh sorry. I did get raspberries (most delicious of fruit), granola bars (sort of), peanut butter, bagels. But as a poor, kitchen-ignorant college student I have not the ability to appreciate the millions of types of different grains and organically grown vegetables.

also I should mention the ultimate source of happiness in my life. namely my room. since we always have multiple people sleeping in this room (after last week, I swear...) and they're usually in my bed, we decided to fix if. So we pulled my bed apart and made it taller (you can adjust the height of the beds here, obviously) and then Evian put her blanket and pillow under it. So Evian's kind of living here and we kind of have an extra bed. I'm super happy because I have to jump to climb into my bed. my bed is super high AND we don't have to squeeze three-people into a twin size bed ANYMORE. I am so overjoyed wth this sleeping arrangement I never want to go back. since I've had this for all of one day so far, after all...


the monster under my bed
abigailnicole: (Default)


permanent emotions of fear and panic? yes. things aren't quite real? yes.

halfway done with House of Leaves. am debating which book I want to read next so I don't have to do homework. I have no books to read for school as I am taking all math and science classes and spanish. probably this won't be the case next semester.

damn calculus. damn it all. damn damn damn. 1. I can only do math in the morning and 2. long years in public school have trained me to hate math. do not ask me why. I understand that numbers can be fun and that math is just a way to solve problems and that it's a discovery-based science and that it's not perfect and it can be tricky and amusing and you can do anything with numbers and pfft. I don't care. Someday when I am doing it as a recreational activity and not for a grade, not in my non-spare time, I will learn to love it, and until then I will just put up with it. when I do my calculus homework I feel depressed and idiotic. so I've decided to compile a list of songs to listen to while doing calculus, to make me feel better about myself:
1. electioneering - radiohead.
I discovered when I feel crappy about myself listening to radiohead makes me feel better. not sure why. I suppose it just gives me hope. which brings me to my next point:

Friday I went to get crepes with Tara, or rather she did and I didn't, and when we went in the crepe store Everything Is In Its Right Place was playing. Now, I haven't heard this song since Brandon T put it on a mix CD for me forever and ever ago. and I sat on the park bench in the crepe store just smiling and smiling and listening to this song, just as lovely as ever. and I went home (home in this case being [livejournal.com profile] freezepops) to download all the radiohead I could. how things just get better. and better.

things scare me a little bit because things right now are well. things right now are good, are fine, I don't feel like I'm barely treading water (except in calculus). this deceptive feeling must mean I really am flunking out and this deceptive lack of stress is just the universe's way of laughing at me. we will sink or swim together, succeed or fail together. I am afraid that goodness is not permanent and that entropy is the state of the universe so things will constantly become less ordered and less comprehensible instead of the latter. I am working, I am adding energy. but intertia is a very powerful force. I am babbling incoherently in my fear.

last night I dreamt that my contact lens and real lens and sclera came off and the aqueous humour came dripping out of my eye

sometimes I think college is a dream which I will awaken from shortly
and sit up, and look around, and feel some great sense of loss
then just pour some cereal and get on with my normal life.
abigailnicole: (not envy)


walmart on saturday mornings and movies all saturday nights (young frankenstein spaceballs dr. horrible fight club. all from 9pm - 6am.)

also rainboots. when it rains. my mommy sent them to me, I love her dearly and miss her intensely. <3. also I miss my wives and the party and am intensely grateful for michael winn's =D cd.

also cramping. dammit. the orange pills lied to me and it's only monday! I should have two more days of non period days! dammit. I have a to-do list a mile long and haven't eaten in years or slept in minutes. sleeping, of course, replaces eating in this context. perhaps I am trying to get my life on track. I want to take organic chemistry instead of calculus. (all this because we're doing the organic chemistry chapter in bio right now.) no, I'd rather take calculus than spanish. bleh. spanish is far too red, and for some reason all that reading Jane Eyre and whatnot when I was younger made me feel that all foreign languages should be blue. and thus learned in a blue way. Not a red way, which is just awkward and I dislike it. is this normal? does anyone else feel like this? or was it just too much victorianesque literature as a child? I blame my dislike of spanish on jane austen and jane eyre. also anne of green gables. so the moral of this paragraph is that if I had my druthers, I druther organic chemistry than spanish. damn and blast.

i am inheriting from monica and amanda a noneating. oatmeal, banana, cupcake, pasta in last 48 hours. it's like nonhunger is a communicable disease. this does not help with my sleeping or homework situation. today = RAPED IN THE FACE. damn and blast.

all this just reminds me of people. people who I miss. also there are people here I love dearly, love with a love that is more than love. too bad many of these people are spread out across various cities in america. MY LOVE SPANS FROM OCEAN TO OCEAN.

I apologize for the negligible readability and coherency of this post and I will not end this paragraph with damn and blast.
abigailnicole: (Default)
It feels like fall, finally
I was walking along the parking lot and it was windy and I almost dropped all my books. It's delightfully cold, like fall has come in especially strange and said adios, el verano. It feels like scarf-weather, shows-at-the-clubhouse weather (though not for years, that always makes me sad), hot-tea-at-Waffle-House weather and long-sleeved shirts and bomber jackets. movie-and-fire weather, car weather, soup weather, sleeping-lazy-dreaming-comic-book-knitting weather.
finally!

tomorrow chemistry calculus spanish test, then freedom to wander in such delightful dropping-leaf escapades. I am also packing my lunch in the classic brown paper bag, because today I ate bread and an apple (like every Thursday) and I got tired of it.
abigailnicole: (not envy)
what have I been doing all day?
laying on top of my comforter reading Watchmen, and listening to Rockin the Suburbs by Ben Folds.
I have a cold, I can taste nothing and my voice is hoarse.
what happened to me last week? stomach virus? now I have a cold? My immune system sucks. My mom is giving me cough drops which are just cherry-flavored zinc to eat every three hours, and they're nasty. Don't ever try them.
abigailnicole: (Default)
six hundred and seventy two, six hundred and seventy two, oh...

so, yeah. I'm pretty happy right now. I still have issues but that's okay. I have cookies, and a bug, and a boyfriend, all of which I like, so it's all good.

How are you?

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Nicole

March 2013

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