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[personal profile] abigailnicole
my new year's party was a biblical-length four-day affair that involved sleeping in various beds across the state. we spent the last hours of 2010 walking around downtown Lexington, wearing black and white and taking similarly colored photos, and ended up in Triangle Park. They've cut all the Bradford Pear trees down in a depressing cover-up of my existence: my parents got engaged there in 1982, and on december 31st 2010 I stood on a bare patch of land covered with stumps and tile, watching unhappy-looking women wander in and out of bars and feeling sorry for them. I had a lovely time. We took new-year pictures in a photobooth then stood on the dry fountain steps for this picture just as the year switched over:

which is quite blurry and dark but I had to rush the self-timer and then run up fountain steps, so I didn't get to frame it well. It was right on the switch from 2010 to 2011, when the bars around the park broke into cheers. We walked home and it started to rain, switching from drizzle to pounding downpours. James came over, and we made hot chocolate, listened to Laura Veirs' The Triumphs and Travails of Orphan Mae on Amanda's record player, and James tried to make smores by roasting marshmallows over a candle with his fingers. I went to sleep in the rain and had nightmares, woke up to more rain and scribbling in a notebook in the bathroom, trying not to wake anyone up.

when I was in high school I wanted to throw listening parties, where you figure out a place that takes exactly the amount of time to drive to that it takes for one CD. And then you get some of your friends in a car and you drive there and you listen to one CD. The rules are that the first time through you can't talk, that everyone has to listen. And you get to wherever you're going and you eat dinner, and then on the way back you listen to the CD again, with comments. the only CD I ever imagined doing this with was In The Aeroplane Over The Sea which I can't love less with time, only more. I gave the record to Amanda for her christmas present and for the Party party, members in flux, we sat in the living room and ten or twelve of us did that, walking softly in an attempt to get the record to not skip. And it's a great CD for it--the point in "Oh Comely" when we were singing "I know they buried her body with others, her sister and mothers and five hundred families" I knew the reason I started writing this book I can't seem to finish. The combination of people and songs.

I've been running out of things to say lately. I don't feel like blogging or writing, I've been reading and knitting a lot, watching movies with people. When I was at Amanda's we attempted to recreate the cover of Pulp Fiction, something I've wanted to do since I got this haircut, though it's a bit too long now:

as close as it's gonna get. Her bit on

Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

maybe is rubbing off on me. Last night was the first night all week (all year) I've slept without nightmares, probably because we fell asleep at 3 in a freezing-cold house (the heat went out at Amanda's). I feel like most of what I say is oversharing, but is that because I think the people around me don't want to hear it or I don't want to hear myself say it? Writer's block for real life. I wish that I would get a good night's sleep, I wish that Mumford & Sons would make a new CD so I could stop singing the same one I've been singing all year that I get sick of but don't love less, I wish my feet were warm and my hair three inches longer and I don't know if I should try and cherish this weird in-between time or just wait it out. When you have spent too long with the same group of people you run out of things to say to them, they can be your roommates or your family or your friends or your characters.

Sometimes you are in an in-between place, when you are waiting for time to pass so you can finish your degree, to go back to school, to get a promotion, to see someone again, to go back home. Sometimes you are just waiting for the nightmares to stop or for enough time to pass so you can get over someone, but if that hasn't happened yet there's not very much you can do to make the waiting go faster or get better. So it goes.


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March 2013


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