abigailnicole: (happy)

just finished season one of Leverage and now I'm so happy! GUYS FORGET MED SCHOOL I WANNA BE A CAT BURGULAR. IMMA START GYMNASTICS YESTERDAY. I did take a practice MCAT today so I'm not totally slacking off, that was my reward for four hours of practice testing.

I know it's summer but I keep listening to winter music, I want Fionn Regan's opaque beauty in my life. You know how things just get so lovely sometimes? That, in music form so Bunker or Basement the bills pile up, the sea view was never an option below sea level...

So just an FYI on my activities. I take the MCAT the 4th, head back to NOLA leaving the night of the 5th or morning of the 6th. Right? No time for packing. Evian you're gonna be loaning me a lot of clothes, thanks lady.

Overall, though, this has been a good summer.

But it's not been a good school year. This past year wasn't a very good one in any respect. I lost almost fifteen pounds, due to stress, IBS, and an inability to eat by myself. I injured some friendships to the point where I don't know if they will ever be the same again, if I can ever look at these people without resentment. I lost a cousin and an aunt.

But I gained things, too. My culmulative GPA is 3.9, I have early acceptance to medical school. I lost fifteen pounds! (That's American, right, to celebrate something like that.) I made a lot of really great new friends, got to take Organic Chemistry (I'm gonna miss orgo so much) and spend lots of time with Josh Kamnetz. I might have lost my mind a few times. I don't know if the grades were worth it, though, worth the injured relationships and the unhappiness...maybe it would have happened anyway, maybe some things are inevitable. But I'm going to try to do better next year.

This summer has been good for me. I get to eat two or three meals a day (!!! this doesn't happen in college). I get seven to eight hours of sleep a night (!!! this doesn't happen in college). I have a real job, I'm making money, I get to see my mom every day and eat food that has been cooked, go grocery shopping, wake up and do sun salutes, read books, only minimal studying. Try to give myself time to get over a lot of that anger and frustration that built up last year...it's worked, a little bit. I found a new TV show, watched some movies, wrote on time-travel story, got to drive the parkway, see my wives. I feel like a real person again!

LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE LITTLE THINGS. Watching the Food Network, reading the Wall Street Journal in the mornings, Jeopardy with grandmom, mum buying soymilk specially for me. I keep thinking that I'm closer to thirty than sixteen (TRUFAX, ENTROPY GUYS) and that things aren't going to get easier ever. How many books have I written? How many paintings have I stolen? I've got to make the soymilknewspaperdays count, there are too many good books at the library to spend lonely nights feeling sad anymore, and there's always a movie on TV to watch with my mom (the greatest person alive). What do you like about being home?
abigailnicole: (happy)

last night I had a very vivid dream about a post-apocalyptic world where humans are all living in a submarine, salvaging earth's now-underwater cities. All human memory and brain functions are kept in a computer, and humans are kept in statis and activated as needed to run the ship. I had just been activated and was working with five other people to run this huge submarine by ourselves, going in and out of underwater-diving suits and trying to remember how to do things. The problem was that the ship's computer kept taking damage, and thus it became harder and harder to remember the things you needed to do. I only recognized the feeling of jealousy I had when I saw the biochemical pathways stored in the computer, and when I was playing the piano I realized all the chords were codons that coded for different amino acids.

In my next dream I was a Doctor's companion. My phone rang, and it said the Arrow Sisters were calling--trying to get to the Doctor through my phone. They told him that the police had finally caught up with him and they were sending the Bees and the Terrible Jack. The Bees were flying robotic parasites, and the Terrible Jack (not harkness) was some sort of skeleton jack monster--the Doctor made some joke about "The bees will be gone by the time Jack arrives" which didn't make me feel better. I, like any companion, was determined to go with him and arguing vehemently about him running off by himself--but I think he knocked me out, because when I woke up (in the dream) he was gone and Evian told me I had been asleep for days.

I take it as a sign all the tall, dark, skinny, clever males in my life are disappearing.

I woke up to listen to Kate Nash. She's got a new CD out, and at first I was hesitant but it's growing on me. A bit more punk than I'm used to and prefer from her--Doo-Wah was so much That Time crossed with the 50s, but it's starting to grow on me. Ditto with the pseudo-spoken word Don't You Want To Share The Guilt? but the opening track Paris remains my favorite, so have it. It's all summer, sunshine and things going fast and a little bit of early 50s rock-n-roll vibe? That's the CD as a whole, though, not Paris necessarily, so take it and have a listen.

I've begun eating my roommate's Luna bars, too. Only the Blueberry Bliss ones, though; the ones with chocolate in them make my teeth hurt. Sorry, Starfish. But they're delicious. I have an orgo test tonight, lots of carbonyl condensation and alpha substitution and the Hell-Volhard-Zelinskii reaction, carboxylic acids, amides, acid chlorides, acid anhydrides.....

but how long until all the people in my life start disappearing? I'll wake up and they'll be gone, Arrow Sisters and Bees not withstanding. My time is limited anyway; two more years at max and then we'll all go our separate ways. I'm ready to have my own room and decorate the walls but I'm not ready to give up my soon-to-be housemates.
abigailnicole: (happy)

this week:

2pm: firstmeal. Write a NaBH4 reduction experiment and read Heart of Darkness

Today, get through nonstop 9-4 class on a bagel and 4 hours of sleep. Pros: sunshine. Cons: physics lab.
Wear grey and tend to head wounds

Wake unable to breathe; crawl to class to pick up your grades
Receive unexpected help.

Wake at 5am. Do not go back to sleep; listen to the wind
Go through half a box of kleenex, electrostatic potential, carbonyl reactions. 5pm secondmeal: chocolate cheesecake
Fend off advances with tact
pull your tired mind together and come up with something to say

Take drixoral, sudafed, vitamins, midol, ibproufen, nyquil and codene over 2 days. Sleep 14 hours, wake up hungry and hoarse to study physics

take a physics exam
2am: 3rd meal, blue lagoon crepe. watch Cabaret without contacts, fall asleep in the dark

finish your carbonyl reactions, read about carboxylic acids, electric current, molecular structure of dna. organize your birthday party, do not let things creep up on you. time has tried to trick you before

condense your life, history, and motivations to one page to impress a committee

this started as a little twitter mini-series I was doing. I would like to do it more extensively; as a writing exercise, it forces you to use active verbs and commands. Personally, it also makes me realize how much of my life is schoolwork....though it worked well because I was sick, I think if I had a normal week with fun things happening it wouldn't work nearly so well. you can't command someone to 'wake at 8am feeling cherry and optimistic, check your email, put off emailing your teacher, go to class' and expect it to have a real impact.

I am feeling better. I think my thursday of drugs and sleeping helped lots.


Feb. 7th, 2010 12:03 pm
abigailnicole: (Default)


abigailnicole: (Default)

moody writing, I would like to take a good notebook and start writing again. I journalled prolifically in 2008 but not at all in 09. I want to start the decade out right, writing again, but at the same time I feel very quiet these days. I don't know where to start.

maybe with fairytales.

My english class is intense. my teacher is a man who is just very intense. He is very focused, very deep, has thought processes that are...wow. Most people are not like this, they are not this focused on consciousness. Today we talked about fairytales and how suspension of disbelief is essential to the human mind and inbred at a young age--how much of our analytical process is based on suspension of disbelief, what logical fallacies are inherent in our everyday thinking?

It's interesting because I too think about these things, how did we get from single-cell amoebas to creatures that store a form of collective consciousness on machines? how does evolution work that way? I didn't think other people thought about these things and this class is proving me wrong. I am the kind of person who pays attention to details, and I am very much interested in how stories are crafted and appreciate that above all else--the attention to small details, well-placed; sketches of characters in a few deft sentences; plot twists that are entirely logical, unexpected, and delightful (the tree-of-life sap at the end of the Fountain). A good sense of timing.

"pattern recognition" he wrote on the board. how we take all these details in our lives and make them make sense. propter hoc--the notion that events that come in sequence are casually linked, how the human brain tries to make unrelated facts become patterns and place ourselves into those patterns. hocus pocus.

I found my song for January, 2010.
abigailnicole: (not envy)

what I feel like right now.

Last night I dreamed that Evian turned me into a vampire--like any good vampire dream in New Orleans, it featured Lestat--and it still didn't help with this awful toothache. In the dream, woke up in a four-poster going: "No! Vampires don't have toothaches!" and starving, ready to dig into some pancakes (with one half of my mouth) but woke up instead. 1000mg of acetomenaphin later (yesterday there was about 1200mg ibproufen, so I'm gonna start switching back and forth) I still can't swallow without feeling it all on my left side.

which turned into four inches of snow. I'm not in New Orleans anymore.....and oh, the Saints, so :( come on, win the rest and go to the Superbowl already. If you do, I'll forgive you this one.

knitting....oh man I've done mittens! I would say I've done lots, but just because totoro here takes forever...

in a good way. It's the fun kind of takes-forever knitting.

PS: I've decided Fionn Regan's The End of History is my winter playlist. it's lovely and sounds like winter. Right now, Snowy Atlas Mountains is very appropriate for being home, when the weather is desolate, in the snow and mountains.
abigailnicole: (mad)

my roommates came in for a few minutes then left. I think they go the message with the PJs, the tea, the loud music and the HOMEWORK STREWN ALL OVER MY BED. HI I HAVE FINALS NEXT WEEK. THAT'S RIGHT, GO STAY AT YOUR BOYFRIENDS' HOUSE.

As it is I am blowing off a party for this. It is a party at the monastery, where I go for all my parties, but it is 33 degrees outside and everyone there smokes but me, so I would be outside in 33 degree weather watching a lot of people smoke cigars/cigarettes for a few hours. IT'S THIRTY THREE DEGREES oh it is so cold and it is so silly. It is SNOWING. not sticking, mind you, this is New Orleans. but still snowing.

finals list! I need to do orgo/physics/spanish and instead I just want to knit mittens. My hands were so cold today, guys. I'm gonna make owl mittens and line them in fleece and totoro mittens and line them also, in all likelihood, and then another pair for myself. I just want to knit mittens! I don't want to review 20 chapters of physics or proton nuclear magnetic resonance or infrared spectroscopy or rewrite my papers. I want HOT CHOCOALTE

okay sidetrack here. being on my period during aforementioned STUPIDLY COLD WEATHER has given me insane cravings for hot chocolate. I went downstairs, to the coffee shop under my dorm, you know? because they have ANDES MINT HOT CHOCOLATE and OM NOM IT IS DELICIOUS. So last night in the midst of my menstrual despair and mood-swings (if you can't tell by my tone so far) I went for this amazing hot chocolate. Three people in line. I walk up to the counter and am told: "I'm sorry, we're out of Andes Mints" and I'm pretty sure my face fell about three feet and looked like a five-year-old about to cry. The girl behind the counter looked very concerned and I walked away dejectedly.

So today I went to get hot chocolate at the cafeteria? except the machine also dispenses coffee. So the hot-chocolate I got was hot-chocolate with old, sour coffee. This was disappointing. Then I went to the food court, and THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED. My room has only tea, which normally I love tea and I'm drinking some right now but ON MY PERIOD AND IT IS COLD AND HOT CHOCOLATE OM NOM OM NOM.

Someone brought Chocovine to our thanksgiving party, which is a dutch alcohol that is basically "Dutch chocolate mixed with fine red wine" and by that I mean alcoholic chocolate milk. I tried a little bit even though I do not drink very much (this is my experience with all alcohol, just sipping out of other people's cups). Evian said it was her ideal menstrual drink. Chocolate and wine! perfect! But I must say just some creamy sweet hot chocolate is all I want. Maybe with whipped cream and marshmallows. oh man. I'm making myself crazy with desire for hot chocolate.

Okay, so 90% of this post has been just describing how badly I want hot chocolate. If you can't tell my moods are all over the place. Every song on my 'two weeks of rain' CD has at least 18 plays, it is really all I have been listening to and it is not really helpful either. Once you hit Upward Over the Mountain it's all "blood on the walls, and fleas on their paws, and you cried till the morning" and oh man, Brand New is nothing if not a downer. I don't think the rest of the CD is adequate enough to recover from it.

I was mopey all over the mall this afternoon and I don't know why except that malls always make me feel like an awkward, out-of-place middle schooler and I have no idea why. I'm blaming other people for my own decisions that have led to my conflict with them and I think we're too far gone to fix it. I do not know the boundaries of where relationships are worth trying to salvage.

I cannot be mopey anymore. As much as I want to wear pyjamas and knit on a couch while watching movies and drinking hot chocolate
there is organic chemistry on monday at 8am and I need to read/review/annote three chapters of physics a night to be on schedule for my friday final.
abigailnicole: (Default)

new shoes! I did actually cook thanksgiving in this outfit.

this week has been great. It's made me realize that it's possible to live in New Orleans and not jut be stressed out all the time! a week without homework? you know, Saturday I just went and took off to Magazine, JR drove us and we went to the yarn store, looked through prohibitively-priced boutiques, Friday night we ate at Juan's Flying Burrito. You know how much homework I've done? zero. I slept late and watched a lot of How I Met Your Mother, dressed up and wore tights and went internet shopping and bought christmas presents for people.

I feel better, too. not angry, not overwhelmed or harboring any resentment. I think one of the reasons I was mad at my roommates was because they watched Glee without me and didn't even ask me. well, you now, that's not the only reason, but it was the icing on the camel's back. but now Evian is back and let me wear her giant ridiculous christmas bow, and is reading New Moon, and last night we had a thanksgiving potluck and it was lovely. maybe things will not be awkward and awful for a while between people, just with school. because the next two weeks are the last week of classes and finals, which is just long frenzied nights of studying and then stumbling when you can't study anymore but feel like doing anything else would be counterproductive. finals. terrible times to be had by young and old.

but then christmas! home! no school! gingerbread houses with the library, floor is lava, knitting, watching star trek with mum and andrew. driving again! thank god for all these little things which overpower the big things.

ps I have google wave invites. anyone want one? come procrastinate with me.
abigailnicole: (OMG)

Bailey asked me how my life was going "you know, outside of school."

A very puzzling question, indeed.

I'm sitting in the Academic Advising center right now. Physics Lab is due before class at 1, and my lab partner didn't email me his part until after midnight last night....by which point I was asleep...so this morning after physics I frantically ran to my appointment with the pre-med advisor. She's ridiculously laid back and all "meh, whatever" but said if I can keep a 3.6 (KEEP A 3.6) there's a good chance I'll get in Creative Scholars, which means I'll be accepted to Tulane Med School and won't have to take the MCAT unless I really want to (or want to apply to other places). So that's good and I just want to keep a 3.6! so much! If I can keep that up! If I can get a B in physics, an A in Orgo, and an A in everything else. O man. This is even more "KEEP GOOD GRADES" than I already am. 3.6 is real hard, guys. This is college. I have a 3.8 right now but Physics! orgo! ahhhhhh and next semester I want to take Genetics with Dr. V and Orgo II and Physics II and Literary Investigations, because this means that I'll be an English major. Oh look, that's my schedule, unless I also take Spanish. Maybe I'll take a semester off from Spanish. I have to write a paper for spanish today---

basically, it's not going, not really at all. just school. but if this creative Scholars thing works out then I will be GOLDEN after this. Junior and Senior year will be that. So one year of stress now.

and on top of all this I have a sty in my eye and didn't eat breakfast. what a shame
abigailnicole: (death)

Songs I Would Write on the Ukluele, if I Only Had It With Me: this lists includes things which I have felt moved to write songs about and thus far sung without accompaniment, such as "Why Am I Doing Homework In The Dark" with a chorus about "I'm not anymore! I stopped to write this song!!" and love ballads for my roommates which include specific lyrics about big spoon vs little spoon. Also I feel an "Ode to The Window In The Shower (The One With The Frosted Glass)" is in order.

Bailey was watching Veronica Mars and I thought it was Dead Like Me. Sound-alike narrators when being heard through two bathroom doors.

man, physics is killing me. something awful. help? why won't the law of cosines/law of sines work for me.
abigailnicole: (Default)

I think I am developing an ear infection. It is rather painful and I can feel it draining when I lie to one side. How delightful! Ow. :(

In other words the first week of school is over. I continue to be amazed by how gorgeous my dorm (not my dorm room, mind you, just the building itself) is. Right now I am sitting in a room on the second floor with glass on three walls, overlooking two courtyards with trees and lovely little paved walkways. and couches. there is a sad television in the corner where no one would want to look because it's just sad white wall instead of lovely trees. there is also a small outside enclosed area with chairs and stairs where I ate lunch. Pics or it didn't happen:

Orgo. Um. Josh and I are approaching Orgo with the philosophy that you must love it and throw yourself into it wholeheartedly, say "YES! I love pi bonds, I live off carbon chains, functional groups make me function! I love cis and trans! Bring on the enantiomers!" Of course we are not to these things yet. But we're reading ahead regardless in an attempt to keep up. If this seems paradoxical, keep in mind that it is organic chemistry. Also physics? reminds me how much I hate calculus. I do not think it will be hard? but it will be physics and I will dislike it. Anthropology I have already discussed. It will be...a social science. Spansh is just going ot be lots of reading and trying to keep up with my teacher, who habla muy rapidamente y no entiendo aveces? No tuve una profesora que hable rapidamente antes, y es un poco dificil entender para a mi.

It's been a long week. I'm glad it's over. JR and I are going to whole foods and will probably cook tonight. I was invited to see Inglorious Basterds? Which, okay, Tarentino, whatever, but I kind of want to see it just because someone compared it to Catch-22. My love affair with Catch-22 is kind of obscene. I haven't even read it that recently.

Ron Paul is coming to Loyola next wednesday. JR is so excited he can't see straight. Also they're potentially starting an Ayn Rand society. O man. O man, guys. This is going to be such a week to be a conservative. Since every other week at Tulane is good for liberals...

Speaking of such, Saturday Newcomb is hosting Drag Queen Bingo. I think with that, I'm done.
abigailnicole: (Default)

storming here.

Meanwhile, elsewhere....my boyfriend's house is being threatened by forest fires and my wife Amanda is recovering from a car accident. I am super worried, but everyone is super busy and NO ONE CAN TALK TO ME. I feel like a petulant child. There is nothing I can do but help my mother cook and waste time on the internet. Or crocheting. I am useless when people are in trouble.

this is probably just bringing to forefront other issues, which will be discussed, as always, in short story format whenever I finish it. I actually have two, The Color Of Our Planet From Far, Far Away and a dead Amanda Palmer story, involving a cannibal and possibly Johnny Truant. That one only exists in my purse.
abigailnicole: (bad day)

I had a whole post and I lost it, including songs. shit. I don't actually remember these songs. I have fifty emails and twelve--fourteen--new stumbles and I don't feel like redoing it. I'm so tired of the internet, it ceases to entertain me. this is a lesson in letting things go and learning not to record every second of my life.

I enjoyed my vacation. I watched Somewhere in Time and walked a lot. I want to stay at the Grand hotel, write a book, and learn to trust myself again. I'm more tired now than I was before, not being so busy with work frees up my mind to worry about all the things I've been avoiding worrying about so far.

  1. Wake Up - The Arcade Fire from the Where The Wild Things Are Trailer. it made me want to make Max's wolf pyjamas.
  2. Now We Can See - The Thermals. now we do away with the disease. a good sing-along song.
  3. Sunlight - Tune-Yards. a song where you can sing any line at any time on pitch and it's great!
  4. Celebrate the Body Electric - Ponytail. a unique approach to joyful noise. And a Walt Whitman reference! win all around.
  5. It Gets Your Body Movin' - Suckers. this song is one big climax. it fills up the inside of my head.
  6. Seven Mile Island - Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit. the first time I heard this song, in Big Lots, I tweeted the lyrics so I could look them up later, and I've been listening ever since. It's a single off his album that's about to come out, and also he's coming to a show near me but it's 21+ only, which is awful. also this is the song which helped me discover Sterogum, where I downloaded it, so all around a good thing.
  7. Beautiful Things Can Come From The Dark - Azure Ray. this song is very fitting: like a night light, sad and fighting the dark and small and hopeful. I want to be hopeful again.

my attention span and energy has run out. what am I doing with myself?

I read Nameless and enjoyed it very much. Even if it was sad at the end. It was worth waiting.
abigailnicole: (Default)
some things I would like to do this week:
-smell nice
-finish the Klein Bottle hat
-finish the VAMPY letter
-finish the other letters
-make special hot chocolate
-make tea
-play the ukulele and learn some more songs
-write some more on the blue hurricane house story.

this will eventually go with Blue Lips, the song, and if I get ambitious I will actually knit the scarf that one of the characters is knitting. Because I like blue, and I like knitting, and I like linking all my crafts together, and I just gave a panel on this stuff.

If anything important has happened in my absence, please let me know now. otherwise I will assume that, having caught up on the neil and amanda blogs, everything is fine and move on with my non-internet life.
abigailnicole: (Default)

I need to find things to sew that will get rid of all my leftover scrap tshirt fabric. I'm still thinking another blanket but I want to do maroon/cream/navy for that one and I'm seriously lacking on the maroon part and the cream part. it is made for a very patriotic person who I am trying to make look classy and yet still keep the patriotic thing alive. we'll see. I can go buy fabric if necessary.

things I love this very instant: the new Regina Spektor CD. Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer twittering about each other. things that amused me today: my brother saying: "I was afraid I might have to think about pants" and the Megan Fox interview in Entertainment weekly.

I bought a dress. it's got cute buttons. I found it for $23 and then found it elsewhere for $45 and thus compelled to buy it for $23. You would too, you know it. But mainly I just want to make things with cute buttons, ie the button sweater I just made? But SEWING. My latest and greatest crafty addition. I just get real bored, guys.

Tonight I played with my dad--he payed guitar and I played ukulele. He got really excited about it and it was nice, we don't do very much stuff with just me and him and it was nice to just hang out and play our stringed instruments. Guitars are so big, guys! Huge! I had to tune his and man, it's huge. How can you reach the tuning knobs and play the strings at the same time. I am a ukulele player.

I've discovered that we are killing off the animals to make way for the plants. The age of global warming? Increased carbon dioxide in the atmosphere? Plants evolved leaves because CO2 was scarce and they needed a large surface area so they could get enough of it. All this rain we've been getting all summer? I feel like I'm living in a jungle when I drive, everything is green and wet and dripping and running over with fertility.

new things I want to do. I should and will add these to the big list.
  1. write a story called The Color Of Our Planet From Far, Far Away where someone wears a blue scarf
  2. knit this blue scarf
  3. next blanket
  4. rid myself of all these tshirt scraps in some way

pointless post over. I am a bit tired and it is 11:11; I wish for a good day tomorrow.
abigailnicole: (dreams)

aww man guys, I cried all the way through Almondine's chapter. I can't even reread it, I tried and just started crying again. By the end I was just waiting for Edgar to die and trying to match things up with Hamlet. Once Almondine died that book was over for me.

Things which bring out strong emotional responses in me. Not many things do; not many books, for that matter, and when it does it usually has to deserve it--this was an almost 600 page epic, slow-paced and wonderful, long summer days and the mailbox standing "soldierly by the road,capturing a man and releasing him, again and again", you get the stories of birth and death, the miscarriage and then the pup that died, the long dark vined thing growing inside her? "She had learned, in her life, that you carry time inside of you. You are time, you breathe time. When she'd been young, she'd had an insatiable hunger for more of it, though she hadn't understood why. Now she held inside her a cacophony of times and lately it drowned out the world..."

Ugh. I can't read this book again anytime soon. Maybe in five years.

Between that and the end of House. juxtaposing the wedding, the real working relationship between two healthy happy people between the nonworking relationship between Cuddy and her single "bastard child" and House driving to that gray institution. I'm doing awful today, guys. I'm just going to sit inside and cry about sad things.

On top of that Monday is the Glorious 25th of May, so I have to go buy Night Wawtch and read it again. I have it planned it already, we're driving up to Lexington and I'm going to get it at Barnes & Nobles and go to the yarn store. I really need another discworld book right now, something new that's like that, you know? With those characters that I know so well, love so much, coming out ahead for once, instead of right now when everything I'm reading is depressing and life is defeating all my characters.

So anyway. Monday I'm buying that and the To Say Nothing Of The Dog books for the wives and I. I'm going to reread Night Watch, then get Human Croquet and then probably read To say Nothing Of The Dog with Hannah and Amanda. The idea was to read them all at the same time but I really want to read this book and I don't even know if I'll get to see them before they go to VAMPY the way things are working out. I'm impatient, I can't wait that long.

I guess just reading sad books is making me think of sad things. I'm spending a lot of time with my family, which is good. I'm probably going to spend a couple nights a week with my grandparents. They're just thrilled to have me over, and mom agrees that it's a good idea. Not just to save me on gas money...Grandmom's not doing well right now, between my uncle's marriage, almost two years old, with Mary's lupus and now the paraplegia, Teresa's suicide and my aunt Pearl, Teresa's mother, is in and out of the hospital every week. She's had a quadruple bypass and a couple of strokes. Her oldest sister has Parkinson's as well...and my grandmother doesn't deal with all of these things well, if you know what I mean. It's very easy to get worried and discouraged. So me staying with them a couple nights a week I think is good for them.

I haven't seen many of my friends since I've been home, just a few of them once. Not even my wives. I don't think I'll get to see many of my friends this summer, they're all working in different cities. It's lonely, going from living with my friends and never seeing my family to living with my family and never seeing my friends. I'm alone a lot more here. It's fine, I'm used to it, and I like spending time with my family, but the change is a bit strange, something to get acclimated to.

maybe when I get the new Tori cd. maybe when I read my next book, finish the next sweater. maybe I should start playing the piano again. maybe I'll just have to wait until fall, when school comes back and we have nopants fridays again.
abigailnicole: (books)
"Your neck is like the tower of David, built with rows of stones on which are hung a thousand shields, all the round shields of the mighty men."
Song of Solomon 4:4

Ladies and gentleman, I am packing to leave college.

For some reason, (and none of my friends are doing this) I'm packing my clothes first. I have three full suitcases and posters still on my walls, books still on my shelves. I did not realize I had so many clothes I don't wear. This summer I'm weeding out tshirts and clothes and closets and everything. I also have a mile-long (okay, page-long) list of books to read. I wanna watch Big Bang Theory via proxy with JR and watch Red Dwarf for my own amusement and finish the Delilah story (this has been a goal for six months now) and make a tshirt quilt and knit amanda's sweater and clean out my closet and get rid of all my possessions but books and yarn and clothes and oh yeah, stuff I wanna knit. maybe I should get a job too. LET'S SEE HOW MANY OF THESE I ACTUALLY DO.

really. so much stuff. I'm converting all my DVDs and CDs to digital files and getting a bigger external hard drive and making my laptop better (ie faster ie it won't have all of new Who and Torchwood and movies and 7000 songs cause they'll be on a nice terabyte hard drive I will get) and clean my laptop! and replace all the stickers on the keys that are scratching off because I type with my fingernails. Oh man guys, this summer will be so superproductive I might explode. (hint: this will not happen. hopefully some of it will.)

lists )
abigailnicole: (OMG)

some Easter bunnies my mother sent me. <3 her.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY. let's talk about electrochemistry for a bit. BATTERIES! Half-cells, galvanic cells. Tin, lead, copper, iodine, nitrate, hypochloride...let's talk about how Gibbs Free Energy relates to number of electrons, Faraday's constant, and standard electric potential of a cell? Or we couldn't. Normally I'm all up in electrochemistry's face. We go to parties and circle each other, making jabs about each other's girlfriends until we end up on the back patio and I've got it in a headlock, you know, then we reach equilibrium and call it a day. BUT TODAY NO. Today electrochemistry is wrestling me to the ground. "Your watch is dying!" it shouts. "Next time you go outside your car won't start! Take that, bitch!" It's cuttin me deep. I thought underneath it all we could get along. I WAS WRONG.

IN other news. Housing! I don't know what it's like up there--from New Orleans, everything is UP THERE--but down here they do a lottery for housing. Everyone's in random order. And everyone wants to get with who they want, whatever, and your time slot only lasts about twenty minutes until other people can register at the same time as you. And since my BFFs are two lovely ladies--have you noticed something here? two lovely ladies and then just a bunch of guys? Why am I always surrounded by two lovely ladies and a bunch of guys? Carrie/Bailey then the 6th floor, Hannah/Amanda and the party, Monica/Lindsey and the band, Mollee/me and the soccer team ETC--but I lost my point. point. HOUSING! RIGHT! Well housing three people is tricky. We have lots of doubles. doubles as in four people sharing two room and a bathroom. (We are fairly lucky, I think most sophomores get suite-style living except for the Greek Letters--have I gone on my greek letter rant? give me a paragraph--but they're mostly shared doubles.) We wanted a single and a double in Willow. So my time is 2pm, right the first day, a great time, real early and I'm gonna get to pick from a lot. except the server crashes. FRUSTRATION! so instead of carrying on with my day, I have to sit around checking the internet every fifteen minutes waiting for the servers go back online while trying to eat Taco Bell (a complete failure--they gave me sour cream? I said no sour cream, it makes me sick!) and watch Good Morning Vietnam, which took forever to buffer. (might explain my tone right now too.) Anyway. Story back on track. So at 4:15, two hours after I'm supposed to register, we get into Willow A. A triple in Willow A. Now Willow is the nice dorm. Whereas in Butler you can stand in the floor and touch both beds. Willow is three separate buildings with strange courtyards interspersed between, and Willow A is the closest to campus, so that's good. Actually it's fantastic. This is cause for celebration. We're so excited.

GREEK LETTER RANT. I don't know if Greek Life is like this everywhere--I bet it's not, and I'm probably exaggerating it here. but really, you know the sorority girl/frat boy type. I have nothing against them. I just know that large groups of guys get bad ideas and think they're good ideas--I'm friends with mostly boys. The soccer team saran wrapping my english teacher's car is a good example. Multiply this by twenty and add alcohol and you get fraternities. Whatever, boys bein' boys. Call me sexist but there it is--all my life this has been typical behavior for large groups of males, so I've come to expect it. Sororities? Large groups of females, on the other hand, I have no experience with. They give you a dress code? Are you kidding? Why is everyone on campus wearing a white dress today? And I mean, okay dressing alike, whatever. But it's a sort of exclusivist mindset. I was in line behind a Greek Letter (a Theta, I think) at the bagel place and another Theta cut in front of me so they could talk. "Oh my god, I was waiting for another Theta to come along so I'd have someone to talk to!" she exclaimed (not making this up not exaggerating this). The two had never met before. And I mean, fine, the friendship part, I get. I've talked to people who are like well I just like the social aspect, knowing you're part of an extended family who will take care of you even if you don't know them. But the concept that she only wanted to talk to other Greek Letters is what annoys me. People who aren't Greek Letters aren't people? And they have so much to do. JR's roommate is in Kappa Alpha and they have to be at the house from 9-5, have mandatory study hall every night from 7-10, mandatory parties every weekend and some weeknights, and jeez how do they have don't for this stuff. Some fraternities and sorities on campus don't let their pledges walk alone: someone in my lab was taking about how they have to take three people with them when they go to class: one to take them there and one to take them back. Really? Really? Are you serious? People have skipped class because they can't find anyone to go with them. And I've heard that if you break this rue, they drive you somewhere in New Orleans and make you walk back to campus. What the fuck. This is awful. And in related news, the only dorms for sophomores that don't have suite-style living are Phelps and Irby--which are like giant motels--and are advertised as good for groups of six, seven, or eight people: ie GREEK LETTERS LIVE HERE. Carrie heard it's full already. HAH.

Really all this is just glad I have real friends who are also nonGreek and I'm super thankful that we got a good room, and I don't wanna do chemistry. Also I have an Ebio test on Plants and Fungi friday. Did you know the largest living organism in the world is a fungus? It grows underground and sprouts mushrooms up at the edges in a circle. Apparently it encircles an entire thousand acre plus forest up in the northwest somewhere.

ps my finals are may 4th, may 6th, and may 7th (maybe, that's english). I have no idea what the english final will be. My parents are coming down the 8th and we leave for home the 9th. It's so close, it's so weird.
abigailnicole: (bad day)
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? [...] "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day."

Matt 6:34

always good advice. I should start every post off with a bible verse, a good way to cite my sources, using a higher authority (pun intended) to give credence to whatever I have to say. Just wait till I start pulling in the Song of Solomon. "Your neck is ike an ivory tower..."

yes, I know it's not easter anymore. was gonna post this yesterday but got distracted by soup, movies, etc. not doing homework, the Dr. Who Easter Special, the like. so let's just carry on with our little charade of pretending it's easter and I'm not being late...

obviously since I'm just now returning to the blog I should do something cliche and predictible, like a music meme.

Using ONLY SONG TITLES from ONE artist, cleverly answer these questions:
A: Tori Amos, who I am listening to at present.

1. Are you a male or female: London Girls(london girls are the best in the world)
2. Describe yourself: Cornflake Girl (never was a cornflake girl)
3. How do you feel about yourself? Happy Phantom (and I'll go running through the streets without my mask on)
4. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: Doughnut Song (you thought that I could decipher your message--this no one here could, no one at all)
5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: Professional Widow (honey bring it close to my lips yes)
6. Describe your current location: Blood Roses (the belle of New Orleans tried to show me once how to tango)
7. Describe where you want to be: Little Amsterdam (in a southern town)
8. Your best friend is: Marianne (and I knew you, pigtails and all, girls when they fall)
9. Your favorite color is: Famous Blue Raincoat (last time I saw you, you looked so much older)
10. You know that: I Don't Like Mondays (gonna shoot the whole day down)
11. What’s the weather like? Cloud On My Tongue (I don't need much to keep me warm)
12. If your life was a television show what would it be called? Space Dog (she can't understand, she truly believes the lie)
13. What is life to you?
Wednesday (nothing here to fear, I'm just sitting around being foolish when there is work to be done)
14. What is the best advice you have to give? (come and kneel with me)
Body and Soul
15. If you could change your name, what would it be? Talula (she's chasing tornadoes)

I want to make a mix CD of this only it will be all Tori Amos. maybe I'll do it as a starter kit for anyone trying to get into Tori. it's got old, new, B-sides, live, covers, lotsa boys for pele...wow, lotsa boys for pele, I should diversify a bit. you can tell it's my favorite. anybody interested into getting into Tori or just want some of these songs (London Girls, I know, is rare) just holler. that's ky-slang for give me a comment about it.

links expire in a week.

B. things I have been clicking around on for days:
slowly clicking through all the movies available on movie25.com
a list of games with concealed rules, featuring Mornington Crescent, Mao, and Double and Triple Cranko
Inspire me, now! all the way back to page 75. getting this far took me days and days .

C. news. lent was lent-like. my roommate went vegan and didn't eat anything for forty days (slight exaggeration). I heard about the movie THE ROOM, which if you haven't heard of I recommend you try. I had spring break and watched lotsa movies and never figured out the end of the Delilah time-travel story.

since today was Easter I went to church, but halfway through the service (which was in this Gothic catholic church, very pretty) I got very nauseous, ran outside, and commenced with my poor digestive system in front of Loyola. happy Easter. since then I'm back in my room reading Out of the Silent Planet (appropriately Christian literature) in my underwear and drinking iced mint tea I made, because a Google of 'digestive system remedies' turned it up a a good idea. Also I read it in Cosmo once. If it's in Cosmo it must be right.


not a good picture. all done with triangles and yarn that Bailey got me for my birthday, very pretty varigeated. I wanna knit stuff all summer.

E. a list of painful ways to die, compiled with amanda:
-garrott wire, carrot wire, socks filled with blood, socks filled with rocks, jack russell terriers with poison teeth, seals with lasers on their heads, aliens on fire, acid spitting trees, hydrofluoric acid balloons, one million paper cuts, thermite coated termites, razor-tipped fedoras, corsets with scorpions, dreadlocks with hidden poison darts, daleks, cybermen, borg, roumlan war birds piloted by razor-winged pterodactyls, a dragon, pistols filled with broken glass, rats with watch bombs, bats covered in napalm, thieves with flying buses, magical broomsticks with deadly embroidery skills, old ladies with cats
abigailnicole: (not envy)

five quetions, five details, five songs.

five questions...a meme or something, from Kelsey. You're supposed to say: "interview me!" if you want me to interview you, but I'm terrible at these things. Try if you like.

1. What is the best thing about Kentucky?
The landscape. Cumberland falls. Levi Jackson state park. If you take Mountains and Rivers and reduce them by an order of magnitude, you have Kentucky.
2. Besides Simon Tam, what is the most compelling thing about medicine?
IT'S YOUR BODY, IT WORKS. It's the best machine ever. Nobody really knows why or how, and we really can't even fix it when it breaks. THE STUFF YOUR LIVER DOES, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. IF YOU KNEW WHAT YOUR LUNGS WERE LIKE ON THE INSIDE. You have this great big working THING that has so much effort and amazingness and IT WORKS and nobody appreciates it really. you only complain when it doesn't work. YOU'RE PERFECT AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE.
3. Terry Prattchet gets to write three more books - one of them completely coherent, one of them enlightening but somewhat nonsensical, and one of them is mostly gibberish. Which story arcs get what book?
Perfect book: goes to the Watch or perhaps Moist von Lipwig, though I thnk he had his perfect book already and I don't see how this could be an arc. Enlightening and nonsensical: goes to Death or the Witches. and Gibbersih? Give it to Rincewind, I never liked hm anyway.
4. Who should the next Doctor have been?
I didn't have a choice. Both Russel T. Daives and Stephen Moffat said as soon as they saw the new Doctor they knew it was it, without question, so I'm gonna trust them.
5. Where are you going to hide out when the zombie apocalypse happens?
In New Orleans? Butler. New Orleans is a terrible place to be when the zombies come back. In Kentucky? I live on a lake, so there is no shortage of freshwater, the basement has foot-thick concrete walls in case of nuclear attack or bombs being dropped. the living room's a lost cause, all those windows, but we've got the storage pantry in the basement and we could move the food down before the zombies caught up. I bet we could secure a perimeter easy.

five details
a.) there is a huge bottle of vodka in my roommate's drawer. I'm not sure whose it is or how it got here
b.) I am standing around barefoot, wrapped in a blanket, cradling a volume of Shakespeare like a baby. I wish this was how women were stereotyped. Gaston: "women should go back to the library, where they belong"
c.) watching M*A*S*H makes me think of Frank Burns and Margaret O'Houlahan as Team Rocket. this one small detail could ruin my life
d.) mashing up bananas and waffle batter to make a BAFFLE. perhaps this word is already taken and I should choose another
e.) conversation today waling back from expository writing: GRIZZLY BEAR versus GREAT WHITE SHARK on an inclined plane half land half water. WHO WOULD WIN?

five songs in one word each
1. Put A Penny In The Slot - Fionn Regan: content
2. Broadripple is Burning - Margot & The Nuclear So-and-So's: drunk-dialing
3. Untitled 01 - Brand New: nostalgic
4. Fuck You - Lily Allen: appropriate
5. Now Now - St. Vincent: postapocalyptic


abigailnicole: (Default)

March 2013


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