(no subject)

Oct. 16th, 2017 08:18 am
copperbadge: (radiofreemondaaay)
[personal profile] copperbadge
Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!

Ways To Give:

Ashley linked to a fundraiser set up by a California credit union, Redwood Credit Union, to help communities impacted by the California wildfires. You can read more and give at their donation page.

[personal profile] kuwdora is a long-time fandom vidder who recently enrolled in a career coaching program with tv/film editor Zack Arnold, and she is now working to pay off the last installment of the program and transition from a vidding hobby to a professional editing career in Hollywood. You can read more here, give to her gofundme here, and buy art from her etsy here.

[tumblr.com profile] catlinyemaker linked to a fundraiser for [twitter.com profile] neolithicsheep, a disabled Navy vet and sustainable agriculture educator who is raising funds to get a border collie to help them with their Sovay sheep. You can read more about the fundraiser and retweet in a twitter thread here, and purchase various shirts and other branded goods at their Teespring here.

[personal profile] xturtle linked to their friend Marcia, who is raising funds to help cover vet bills for her sick bunny; she is running out of unemployment benefits and looking for work; in the meantime Caspian needs testing to determine what the lump in his stomach is and get his teeth fixed. You can read more and help out here.

Anon linked to a fundriaser for [tumblr.com profile] ohcrakerjacks, a victim of black toxic mold. She and her parents are raising funds to replace walls, insulation, flooring, and furniture. You can read more and check out commissions here and give to her ko-fi here, which will support supply purchases for the cross-stitch embroidery she sells.

Buy Stuff, Help Out:

[tumblr.com profile] suriel's husband is about to have two surgeries, each costing several thousand dollars, and they are raising money to cover expenses. They have sales in all their online shops: Fandom buttons and more, caramels and toffees, and their band shop. You can read and reblog here.

Anon linked to [tumblr.com profile] vaspider, who is running a sale on their Etsy shop ($10% off $30 or more) to help with living expenses and home repairs after a job loss and other unexpected life events this year. You can check out the Etsy shop here; it includes a lot of nerdy/geeky Judaica as well as secular clothes, accessories, and cosplay.

News To Know:

[personal profile] brainwane linked to a writeup that [personal profile] kaberett posted about desensitizing themselves to board games; Board Game Desensitization Process is a template for people who may have a difficult relationship to card/board games but want to participate in the increasingly popular social events focused around them.


And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're not sure how to proceed, here is a little more about what I do and how you can help (or ask for help!). If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.

Updatey post of updatiness

Oct. 16th, 2017 01:20 pm
aunty_marion: Vaguely Norse-interlace dragon, with knitting (Knitting dragon)
[personal profile] aunty_marion
I've spent most of last week being the Glamorous Assistant on Ziggy's lucet stand at Alexandra Palace. I had numerous comments on my hair!!! Not a brilliantly successful show, and the news is that (thank goodness!) it's going back to four days next year, so we may do better. I'm booked in for Olympia in March, anyway. The rest of the details )

Technology is thwarting me: more details )

My lungs are also thwarting me - more wheezy details! )

Hurricane Ophelia has apparently picked up sub-Saharan dust, and the light outside is indeed very strange right now - the sun looks orange through the clouds, and the light is yellowish. It's breezy, but not too bad. So far.

This morning the postie brought my latest Loki t-shirt - this one is an 'official' Marvel one from Forbidden Planet, who I really, REALLY, should not have followed on twitter... Oh well.

In Knitting Knews, I'm halfway up the feet of a pair of purple merino socks, cast on for easy bus-knitting last week. I spoke to a woman at the show who was wearing a really rather nice shawl, made up of half-circle shapes of various sizes in lace and plain stocking stitch divided by garter-stitch 'ribs', but she told me it was a kit from an American company that she'd bought, and then used the yarn for something else & knitted the pattern in her own yarn, and she wasn't sure of the name. However, I've tracked it down through Ravelry ... only to find that it's only available in an e-book of three patterns for (eek!) $35.94. That's worse than the £20 for Laine Magazine (issue 1) for the Syv sock pattern. I mean, I've got enough topped up in paypal now that I could afford it, but I only want ONE of the patterns (Key of Life, from ArtYarns, by Iris Schreier), and almost £28 for one pattern is rather excessive.

Thanks to the lungs, I didn't feel up to going shopping this morning; I've done a load of washing (thank you Cough O'Doom ... not), and was also available (yay!) for the postie. I may or may not feel up to knitting this evening, and as for rehearsal on Sunday ... Well, I'll just have to see what happens tomorrow with this spirometry thing.
copperbadge: (Default)
[personal profile] copperbadge
Because I am me, I systematized my home search as much as I could – I have a spreadsheet in google that has not just my list of Best, Acceptable, and Totally Unacceptable buildings in it but also my mortgage calculator from the bank and various other financial stuff. I also went into the top few real estate websites (primarily Zillow and Estately) and set several different searches to be sent to my non-fandom inbox, where they were then filtered into a Housing folder (different from my other Housing folder, which has all my documents/communications with my realtor). 

Now I’m looking at my Housing folder which constantly has new emails in it and wishing there was just an “I BOUGHT A HOME, YOUR SERVICES ARE NOW IN VAIN” button I could press to notify all of those sites that no, really, I seriously do not anymore need your Real Estate Tips And Tricks newsletter anymore. 

Fortunately changing my address everywhere won’t be the nightmare my mum always complains it is, because I also have a spreadsheet of every website I’ve ever built a login for, and I just go through the spreadsheet (also it’s an excellent opportunity to delete my account from sites I never use). 

I’ve rarely lived anywhere for more than five years, and my phone number was deeply unstable for a while for similar reasons, but it’s a small wonder our generation prefers email to most other forms of communication – after all, my gmail addresses have been stable now for more than ten years. 

I believe I have now been Copperbadge On Social Media for longer than I have ever lived in any single residence. 

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tictactoepony: (wool)
[personal profile] tictactoepony posting in [community profile] knitting
The purple pair were just finished - I kept getting distracted by other projects, but finally got there in the end :)

here be socks )

Solo

Oct. 14th, 2017 03:01 am
pinesandmaples: A picture of freckles, in the shape of a heart.  (love: freckles)
[personal profile] pinesandmaples
At 32, there are all of these things I know to be true about myself bubbling up that just make so much sense. They are so congruent with the core of how I know myself to be. They align with the vision of my future that I had at 15-16-17, and they are so very right.

But all of these wee truths are socially opposite and counterintuitive to the norms that we hold dear in this world. Things like wanting separate bedrooms when I live with a lover (but being very okay with sharing beds) or living in a house that allows for lots of social contact instead of leaving my house to find it.

I find myself enjoying my own company more and more as long as I can also step into social situations when I need the warm embrace of known company. But I also like walking into a large event by myself. Just me. Only me.

There is a sense of completeness that I am enjoying these days. All of these smaller actions are me, being complete and whole as myself. The smaller completenesses allow me to be in relationships, in friendships, in community.

Everyone says that your 30s is a time of revelation and wholeness, but I didn't believe it. I am so glad to be here, now. (I'm also astoundingly grateful I am not here with children. I cannot imagine how different the world would be if I were doing this journey of discovery as a parent instead of as a single person, building a better me. Hashtag selfish.)
copperbadge: (Default)
[personal profile] copperbadge
The owners of the condo I offered on have accepted my offer at $180K, with the only condition that they will do no repairs or remodels before I take possession. 

*head between knees*

GONNA BE A HOMEOWNER.

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Savage Love

Oct. 11th, 2017 04:00 am
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Dan Savage

Poly third is feeling too low in the relationship hierarchy. by Dan Savage

I'm a 25-year-old woman currently in a poly relationship with a married man roughly 20 years my senior. This has by far been the best relationship I've ever had. However, something has me a bit on edge. We went on a trip with friends to a brewery with a great restaurant. It was an amazing place, and I'm sure his wife would enjoy it. He mentioned the place to her, and her response was NO, she didn't want to go there because she didn't want to have "sloppy seconds." It made me feel dirty. Additionally, the way he brushed this off means this isn't the first time. I go out of my way to show him places I think they would like to go together. I don't know if my feelings are just hurt—if it's as childish as I think it is—or if it's a reminder of my very low place in their hierarchy. I hesitate to bring this up, because when I have needs or concerns, they label me as difficult or needy. Is this part of a bigger trend I'm missing? Should I do anything to address this or just continue to stay out of their business and go where I wish with my partner?

Treated With Outrage

I'm having a hard time reconciling these two statements, TWO: "This has by far been the best relationship I've ever had" and "when I have needs or concerns, they label me as difficult or needy." I suppose it's possible all your past relationships have been so bad that your best-relationship-ever bar is set tragically low. But taking a partner's needs and concerns seriously is one of the hallmarks of a good relationship, to say nothing of a "best relationship ever."

That said... I don't know you or how you are. It's entirely possible that you share your needs and concerns in a way that comes across as—or actually is—needy and difficult. Our experience of interpersonal relationships, like our experience of anything and everything else, is subjective. One person's reasonable expression of needs/concerns is another person's emotionally manipulative drama. I would need to depose your boyfriend and his wife, TWO, to make a determination and issue a ruling.

That said... It's a really bad sign that your boyfriend's wife compared eating in a restaurant you visited with him to fucking a hole that someone else just fucked, i.e., "sloppy seconds." It has me wondering whether your boyfriend's wife is really into the poly thing. Some people are poly under duress (PUD), i.e., they agreed to open up a marriage or relationship not because it's what they want, but because they were given an ultimatum: We're open/poly or we're over. In a PUD best-case scenario, the PUD partner sees that their fears were overblown, discovers that poly/open works for them, embraces openness/polyamory, and is no longer a PUD. But PUDs who don't come around (or haven't come around yet) will engage in small acts of sabotage to signal their unhappiness—their perfectly understandable unhappiness. They didn't want to be open/poly in the first place and are determined to prove that open/poly was a mistake and/or punish their ultimatum-issuing partner. The most common form of PUD sabotage? Making their primary partner's secondary partner(s) feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.

That said... As you (probably) know (but if you don't, you're about to find out), poly relationships have all kinds of (sometimes incredibly arbitrary but also incredibly important) rules. If one of their rules is "My wife doesn't want to hear from or about my girlfriend," TWO, then your restaurant recommendations are going to fall flat. Being poly means navigating rules (and sometimes asking to renegotiate those rules) and juggling multiple people's feelings, needs, and concerns. You have to show respect for their rules, TWO, as they are each other's primary partners. But your boyfriend and his wife have to show respect for you, too. Secondary though you may be, your needs, concerns, feelings, etc., have to be taken into consideration. And if their rules make you feel disrespected, unvalued, or too low on the hierarchical poly totem pole, you should dump them.


My wife said she didn't care who I slept with soon after we met. At the time, I didn't want to sleep with anyone else. But we eventually became monogamish—it started as me texting her a fantasy while I was at work, and that fantasy was waiting for me when I got home—it was fun, but it wasn't something I needed. After a couple years of playing together with others in private and in clubs, she said she wanted to open our relationship. I got a girlfriend, had fun until the new relationship energy (NRE) wore off, and ended things. Then my wife got a great job on the other side of the state and I stayed behind to get our house into a sellable condition. Right now, we see each other only on weekends. I also got a new girlfriend. The NRE wore off, but we still really like each other, and we've discussed being long-distance secondaries once the move is complete. Here's the problem: Last night, my wife confessed to me that being in an open relationship was making her miserable. Not just my current girlfriend, whose monopoly over my time during the week could be a legitimate cause for concern, but going back to the previous girlfriend I saw only one night a week. I told my wife that I would break up with my girlfriend immediately. My wife is the most important person in my life, and I don't want to do anything to hurt her. But my wife told me not to break up with my girlfriend. I don't want to string my girlfriend along and tell her everything is fine—but my wife, who doesn't want to be poly anymore, is telling me not to break up with my girlfriend. What do I do?

Dude Isn't Content Knowing Priority Is Crushingly Sad

Your wife may want you to dump your girlfriend without having to feel responsible for your girlfriend's broken heart, DICKPICS, so she tells you she's miserable and doesn't want to be poly anymore, and then tells you not to end things. Or maybe this is a test: Dumping a girlfriend you didn't have to dump would signal to your wife that she is, indeed, the most important person in your life and that you will prioritize her happiness even when she won't. Or maybe she's watched you acquire two girlfriends without landing a boyfriend of her own.

But there's a middle ground between dumped and not dumped, DICKPICS: Tell your girlfriend what's going on—she has a right to know—and put the relationship on hold. Get the house sold, get your ass to your wife, and keep talking until you figure out what is going to work for your wife going forward: completely closed, open but only to sexual adventures you two go on together, i.e., "playing together with others in private and in clubs," or open with GFs (and BFs) allowed. Good luck.


I don't know if I'm poly or not. I mean, Jesus H. Christ, this has been so difficult. How do I know when to go back to monogamy?

Pretty Over Lusty Yearnings

I don't think you're poly, POLY, because I don't think anyone is poly. I also don't think anyone is monogamous. Polyamory and monogamy aren't sexual orientations, IMO, they're relationship models. And if the polyamorous model is making you miserable, POLY, it might not be right for you. But you should ask yourself whether polyamory is making you miserable or if the people you are doing polyamory with are making you miserable. People in awful monogamous relationships rarely blame monogamy for their woes—even when monogamy is a factor—but the stigma against nontraditional relationship models, to say nothing of sex-negativity, often lead people to blame polyamory for their misery when the actual cause isn't the model, POLY, it's the people.


On the Lovecast,Polyamory, Dom/sub relationships, and Wonder Woman: savagelovecast.com

mail@savagelove.net

@fakedansavage

ITMFA.org

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Cross-stitch Tuesday

Oct. 10th, 2017 10:03 pm
glinda: dw sheep dreams of crochet (crochet sheep)
[personal profile] glinda posting in [community profile] cross_stitch
I knew I'd missed a couple of weeks of checking in but I hadn't realised it was nearly a month. Anyway things are starting to take shape! I'm starting to be able to see where other parts of the design will fit in. The places where the leaves will slot in for example. And I finally, finally got to actually put some purple in - when I picked this design all those years ago, I was under the impression there'd be a lot more purple involved than there actually is...

Progress

I am actually a little further on with the design than this picture shows, but not by very much. I started in on some pink, but I haven't got very far yet. Hopefully next week's post will have some actually fairy in it!

Vegetables are important

Oct. 10th, 2017 08:34 pm
[syndicated profile] yarn_harlot_feed

Posted by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Thanksgiving came and went this weekend, and we all magically got through it. Our first holiday without her, and there were moments that were just fine, and moments that were awful and we missed mum so much our hearts were fit to break. I’m finding this grief like that. Everything will be completely okay or completely horrible, and then something swings it the other way, and there’s no predicting what it will be. I’ll be standing there, and I’ll see Elliot learning to sit, and think my Mum would love that was happening and then cry for her so desperately, or realize my mum would like something else and then laugh out loud thinking of how she’d enjoy it.

Do you know, that in as much as my mother was a completely reasonable person and frighteningly bright, for some insane reason, she would never, ever put out more than a single can of corn for 14 people at a family diner.   A few years ago I told her that it was time for the unreasonable and inexplicable corn rationing to stop. Perhaps when we were little, a single can cut it -but now we’re all grown and she has grandchildren and I pointed out that corn is cheap and Erin really likes it and that Erin could eat practically a can herself, and that the single can system was being mocked pretty openly.  “Loosen up mum, buy more corn” I told her, and she did. Mum very reluctantly bought two cans, doubling the number of kernels each person could have to a whopping nine or so, and nothing on this earth would convince her to so much as consider a three can solution. Things were already pretty out of control, to her way of thinking. Three can’s would have been MADNESS.

When I arrived at Erin’s on Sunday, she hustled me into the kitchen, lifted the lid off a very large pot, and proudly showed me a veritable vat of corn. “Holy Cats” I breathed, rather awestruck. “Eight cans” she said, and her face shone.  “Mum’s gone. We can stop the madness now. Everyone can have all the corn they want.”  At the end of the night (and despite having 16 people for dinner) the leftover were corn, corn, some corn and about three more or less incinerated Brussels sprouts.

corncorconr 2017-10-10

(Photo emailed to the family the next morning as the reality of how much corn Erin had began to sink in.)

We stood there – looking at all that corn, and agreed that while mum hadn’t been right, we guessed we weren’t either. We still don’t have the magic number. It’s somewhere between two and eight cans though, and I can’t tell you how much Mum would love that.*

*Truly, I’ve been the model of restraint, because I have not emailed my sister 47 recipes that use corn, or started a pinterest board called “Too much corn” and sent her a link, and neither have I suggested several craft projects using laminated or dehydrated leftover corn – although really… That’s what mum would have done.

copperbadge: (Default)
[personal profile] copperbadge
I used to be confused, as a child, about why you would buy a new calendar in September – a calendar that would contain September-December and then the entire next year. Because surely you had a calendar that went through the end of the year, no calendar ever ENDS in August. 

But as an adult now I get it, because I keep a private calendar in google docs and I just had to move the October, November, and December tabs into the 2018 calendar since I’m already bookin’ shit out for January and February. At this point, starting in November I’m traveling at least once a month, every month, from November to June, except in May. 

Clearly I better book a trip in May. :D  

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(no subject)

Oct. 9th, 2017 08:24 am
copperbadge: (radiofreemondaaay)
[personal profile] copperbadge
Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!

Ways To Give:

Anon linked to a fundraiser for his great-aunt, who can't afford to pay back-taxes on the house which accrued while her mother was dying. She is elderly and disabled, and raising funds to cover $6K in back taxes she was unaware of when she got the house. You can read more and give at her gofundme.

Anon linked to [tumblr.com profile] geckohq, an autistic disabled trans man whose mother recently passed away and who is now on his own to pay off her bills and cover his own expenses. You can read and reblog here where there is a paypal donation link, and you can check out the amigurumi geckos, dragons, and plushies for sale at his etsy here, including geckos that come in various Pride flag colors.

[personal profile] lizcommotion linked to a fundraiser for Beth, who is trying to pay down medical debt while navigating the labyrinth of applying for disability benefits for her chronic medical conditions. You can read more and give at their YouCaring.

[tumblr.com profile] i-will-not-be-caged linked to a fandom fundraiser organized by [tumblr.com profile] hansbekhart, benefitting ConPRmetios, an organization raising money for long-term relief for victims of Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico. You can read more and sign up at [community profile] fandomlovespuertorico, or read more and reblog at their tumblr post here.

[personal profile] naamah_darling is raising funds to pay for medical care for a special-needs cat, Smooch, who has just been diagnosed with stage 3 kidney disease. You can read more here, read and reblog here, or give directly at their youcaring.

[tumblr.com profile] rilee16 is struggling to cover medical expenses after two head injuries last year, and has a fundraiser running to cover living expenses, previous medical bills, and a recent rent increase. You can read more and help out here.

Buy Stuff, Help Out:

[personal profile] in_the_bottle is having a moving sale! Right now they have a sofa bed available but the post also has a list of other items which will be available in November (the location is listed as SW6 which I believe is a London-area location). You can check out the post here and she says feel free to PM on DW/LJ/Tumblr or the site link if you're interested or want photos.

And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're not sure how to proceed, here is a little more about what I do and how you can help (or ask for help!). If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.

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Nicole

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