abigailnicole: (happy)

New!Doctor, Doctor11, is restoring my faith in Doctor Who. It gives me that feeling, now, when I watch it, that I had when I first started watching it--that something fantastic is happening, that things will be clever and good. New monsters, new dangers and horrors and puzzles to be solved in clever ways; the universe is a large and fascinating place and we have a benevolent and clever guide. Except the new episode. Don't get me started on the awful science in it. RTD did Daleks much better. But I'll forgive them if the Weeping Angels go well.

Names! The Weeping Angles. The Nightmare Child, the Shadow Proclamation, the Medusa Cascade. WAY TO GO NAMING THINGS AWESOMELY. The noun + unusual modifier in the form of a title? But I love titles not names, thus the Arsonist, "see the Anarchist, all in black. In the dark you can only see his eyes" - Thomas Pynchon. When I read it I stopped cold and texted it to Amanda. The Arsonist and Delilah, they're living inside of me and they want to get out.

The Crying of Lot 49--I should be writing my research paper right now but ahhhhh it's 1am. I watched Doctor Who instead. But I read it and I loved it, it's all the busy-crazy-funny-referential postmodernism I can get swept away in and laugh at, delight in and enjoy. End some sentences with prepositions about. It's a bit like The Da Vinci Code except literary and with a schizophrenic narrator; ie much more interesting.

I'm being demanding this week; grouchy, hungry, irritable, menstrual. I'm being rude to my friends and demanding understanding and forgiveness. I'm not really going to apologize for this--I want and feel I deserve some understanding and forgiveness. Give me a little leeway. I want it more. I'm not asking for all the things I want--Audubon Zoo, Voodoo BBQ, new underwear, neutral-colored flats, some peppermint Dr. Bronner's, a new water bottle, my bike fixed--so just give me some understanding and forgiveness instead, okay? And then I'll gradually cheer up.
abigailnicole: (happy)

this week:

2pm: firstmeal. Write a NaBH4 reduction experiment and read Heart of Darkness

Today, get through nonstop 9-4 class on a bagel and 4 hours of sleep. Pros: sunshine. Cons: physics lab.
Wear grey and tend to head wounds

Wake unable to breathe; crawl to class to pick up your grades
Receive unexpected help.

Wake at 5am. Do not go back to sleep; listen to the wind
Go through half a box of kleenex, electrostatic potential, carbonyl reactions. 5pm secondmeal: chocolate cheesecake
Fend off advances with tact
pull your tired mind together and come up with something to say

Take drixoral, sudafed, vitamins, midol, ibproufen, nyquil and codene over 2 days. Sleep 14 hours, wake up hungry and hoarse to study physics

take a physics exam
2am: 3rd meal, blue lagoon crepe. watch Cabaret without contacts, fall asleep in the dark

finish your carbonyl reactions, read about carboxylic acids, electric current, molecular structure of dna. organize your birthday party, do not let things creep up on you. time has tried to trick you before

condense your life, history, and motivations to one page to impress a committee

this started as a little twitter mini-series I was doing. I would like to do it more extensively; as a writing exercise, it forces you to use active verbs and commands. Personally, it also makes me realize how much of my life is schoolwork....though it worked well because I was sick, I think if I had a normal week with fun things happening it wouldn't work nearly so well. you can't command someone to 'wake at 8am feeling cherry and optimistic, check your email, put off emailing your teacher, go to class' and expect it to have a real impact.

I am feeling better. I think my thursday of drugs and sleeping helped lots.
abigailnicole: (Default)

so at Dustin's house, the Party party, Dustin has a record player, and his mom's old records, and it's amazing. Someday, when I live in a house and have nice things, I want a real sound system. Perhaps even a USB turntable and maybe I will buy that In The Aeroplane Over The Sea record I hold longingly every time I go to the Mushroom, and take all of mum's old unused records. She still has her turntable and records: however, it is still on European voltage.

I am ready to go back to school....

I think if I had to give advice to anyone it would be BE CLEVER, BE BRAVE because I think with those two cardinal virtues can get you through many things. Being clever means knowing when to be good and when to be bad, it includes a good sense of timing and knowledge of human nature and knowing when to stop and when to go: you can do all of these things if you are clever. I am trying to be brave but not doing very well, so this decade I will do better at that.

Decade, eh? this year I turn 20. So from 20 to 30 I will try to be clever and brave.
abigailnicole: (Default)

jayne hat 002
Originally uploaded by purpleabigail
I finished jayne hat 2. Everything I am knitting right now is a repeat: this again. I made this for Kelsey last year, and his friend saw it and requested that I make her one as well, so I did and I will be repaid (in either money or bread or some combination of the two?). How much should I ask for? In bread and money alike, how much is this hat worth to a serious browncoat....take into account it is loving handknit as well as the too much orange.

also I went shopping and bought teal things. teal and red. Everything in stores is purple and teal and blue and I love purple and teal and blue, so I was very excited. if I had teal yarn I'd teal it up, though in truth I probably need some purple scarf or something to go with my new teal jacket and jeans. I COULD BE LIKE ONE OF THOSE UNICOLOR PANTSUIT OLD LADIES. IN TEAL. I'm done.

I just discovered flickr will tell me what camera I took a picture with--not only that, but the aperture, exposure, focal length, flash condition, ISO speed, exposure bias, encoding process, and other things I didn't even know I could do. I knew the internet was smarter than me but now my camera and flickr are working against me! someday they will overtake me. run, run fast.

TEAL GOES WITH ORANGE. as well as purple. maybe I will wear something orange now.

I am getting more sleep but not getting more sane. This is getting a bit ridiculous, living in my head is like trying to make a jam sandwich with a spork and two eggs instead of toast. and chemistry.
abigailnicole: (death)

I just wanna wear this hat all the time. I'LL EAT YOU UP!

The more I use Genius and Genius playlists, the less I trust it. iTunes is no replacement for a human playlist, where you can have happy and sad songs together and you can define things not by genre but by individual sound and/or lyrical themes. more on this when I make my next mixtape.

everyone I know is sick.....but I think I'm the carrier? boyfriend has white pus in his throat and my roommate woke up puking and congested, and I am the only link between them. Hurm. Watch me say this and get swine flu. I would spend all my time in bed being so bored, watching the sunlight slats on the floor gradually grow bigger and smaller between naps, wearing this hat (because now I wear it all the time when I'm in my room and won't look like a dork), blowing my nose incessantly, watching lots of Doctor Who. that's a lie, I'd just drag myself to class and do homework and feel awful. but I like to think that being sick would make me leisurely, or at least tired enough not to care when I don't do things.

"evidence for the merchanism of electrophilic addition: carbocation rearrangements" have you ever heard of such a thing? all night I dreamt that every time I rolled over or stretched out I was an isomer, straining all my bonds and creating steric interaction between all my alkyl substituents. today I should write a note to my grandparents, buy stamps, and do some physics.

Neil Gaiman and all my KY friends are talking about cold weather and sweatshirts and canning things for fall (well, mostly Neil Gaiman on that one). While here I am wearing my/Amanda's rainbow sundress and cowboy boots. It is not cold or fall or even close. Maybe it will be fall in November or December. Yum, Nola.
abigailnicole: (mad)

Back in school. Well, the first week, anyway. I'm expecting it to be a lot of work, which is just as well, since I left all my entertaining things (books, knitting, notebooks, even) at home. Perhaps it will force me to study more. I have Organic Chemistry, Spanish, Anthropology, Physics...and labs for orgo, physics, and cell biology. All this stupidly hard stuff is only fifteen hours. Okay.

My room is spectacular. Well, the room isn't, scratch that. The building is pretty spectacular, we have a courtyard? and gates with bicycle racks? and palm fronds and a coffeehouse? It's spectacular. I want to lounge around and enjoy the courtyard. I've never lived somewhere with a courtyard before, it's enchanting. I want to ride my bicycle around at night.

"Whether in a jungle village in Peru or on the streets of New York, the anthropologist goes to where people live and "does fieldwork." This means participating in activities, asking questions, eating strange foods, learning a new language, watching ceremonies, taking fieldnotes, washing clothes, writing letters home, tracing out genealogies, observing play, interviewing informants, and hundreds of other things....."

Oh, anthropology. I just read, in this same article, about someone going into a small Appalachian valley to do fieldwork. This makes me feel so far away from home, so surrounded by strangers. I don't even like Kentucky that much, not to the extent that I miss it extensively and want to be back when I'm gone, but the sense of community doesn't care whether you want it or not. I am relying on familiar artifacts like coke and my cell phone to keep me anchored.

Also let me say that my ultimate technology is small, portable, and I only need one of it. I think this is what we are working towards. Laptop + cell phone + camera.....that's about it, actually. Maybe a very nice coat, and my zeppelin, and I think I could be happy forever.
abigailnicole: (Default)

sunset below pine trees in audubon park

my life is unupdateable
all the things I have to say are just lyrics from Muhammad my Friend.
bailey said today: "this is my life". this is also true.
abigailnicole: (Default)


Whole Wide World - Wreckless Eric

I feel kind of liberated, actually. Now I don't have to put up with his bullshit and I can say what I want without fear of him breaking up for me.
abigailnicole: (bad day)


o hey guys
airport life. I got a peppermint white chocolate mocha and a blueberry muffin. today I have eaten this and a granola bar and airplane peanuts. o airplane peanuts, you owe me, you owe into me. the girl across from me is reading Wicked, which I read when I flew from NYC home, and I have the urge to tell her this. she also has lacy fingerless glove tattoos and an army backpack. these things happen. I have very tall rainbow socks for moral support, as a boost to my airport-alter-ego, because no one knows they're there but me...

note to self: louis armstrong international wins over atlanta-heartfield for a.) free wifi, b.) no four-hour layovers and c.) less security lines though, like my mother, I appreciate the tiny Lexington airport for its inability to get you a direct flight anywhere and how it shuts down after ten pm. speaking of my mother I will see her in a few hours. I set my watch to eastern time because--a month! I will be home for a month. that is a long time to have your watch be in a different time zone. also if I want to call my west coast friends, which I suspect will happen quite a bit, then I will have to stay up quite late to get phone calls going. we'll see how well this plays out.

making friends with regina and morrissey in the waiting room. the lack of wifi does things to my head. also my ability to communicate has gone down the drain since I stopped thinking of this journal as having an audience and more like a sort of memo to myself, in the future (hello, future nicole).

I'm home. and I'm so tired I can't see straight. perhaps I needed a break after all.


Nov. 21st, 2008 01:15 am
abigailnicole: (happy)

o conor
you remind me why I get up in the morning.
abigailnicole: (bad day)


1. NO ONE WILL GO TO CONOR OBERST WITH ME. my friends suck a lot. this means I have to take a cab there and back at weird hours of the morning by myself. watching conor oberst by myself I have no problem with. just the sketchy cab ride there and back kinda bothers me. also, I feel like if this were an amanda palmer concert, I wouldn't have this problem. It'd be like a lunch date with an old friend and you know she'd wait for you there and talk to you and be so understanding and amazing once you got there that it'd be worth it. Conor Oberst, on the other hand, who I love dearly for his ridiculous songwriting abilities, is a ryan-adams-esque bastard who I feel like would be angry and drunk the whole time. Unlike the Amanda Palmer is my best friend vibe. But they're both in my top five favorite artists so I HAVE TO GO. I mean, I have You Will, You Will, You Will (download) as a ringtone. remember two years ago when every post I made had a bright eyes lyric in it somewhere? it's necessary that I do this.
...alone, in parts of New Orleans I haven't been to before, coming back at 1am...

I'm resigning myself to this. Doesn't mean it won't be sketchy and unsafe as all hell...I need a Captain Jack Harkness coat for adventures of this scale. (also I am not very brave.)

and since I get to go see Conor Oberst, here, have a track from his (latest) solo project. NYC Gone, Gone.. very untypical in that it's actually fun happy conor oberst. good driving music if I had a car. where you gonna go with a head that empty? where you gonna go with a heart that gone?

2. I made a hundred on my bio test. take THAT. ahh. Dr. V got me a hershey bar because of it. o so happy.

3. leaving for home on tuesday. before that I have a calculus quiz (tomorrow) and a spanish oral test. come back, have a calculus test, have finals, go home for christmas. this is a strange time.

4. Twilight movie comes out Friday, guys. When my roommates found out they got so excited. We're going at 4 as soon as Bailey's class is over. All we talked about at supper (we eat every day at 2pm, which is too late for lunch/too early for dinner, so I will call it supper) was how much Edward Cullen should not look like that. I don't even like these books, and they've provided me with so much laughter: reading the actual books, reading the parodies, and now the movie should be lol worthy, because you know it's not gonna be good...
abigailnicole: (happy)

I'm a cartoon, you're a full moon, let's stay up...

today is an elliott smith day, I woke up and some genius at the tulane radio station was playing elliott smith and it rained.

guess who is coming to new orleans on the 20th? CONOR OBERST that's right you know it. ahhhhh bright eyes is STILL one of my top five bands of all time so I will be listening to his solo CD now till then. so much more important.

also quantum of solace friday.

these three things have provided an excess of joy in my life. God exists and he's American.
abigailnicole: (Default)
I drove my mother's van today, to take my brother and me home. It was awkward. The van is gigantic. Automatic. Heavy. Awkward. Did I mention gigantic? It made me realize how much I miss my car. My car is crappy. It is a 1996 Chevy GeoPrizm, in tan/gold/off-yellow. It has a motor, some seats, and an after-market CD player. In fact, my car has no special features. Now, it's broken, because remember that time I wrecked it? The front bumper scooted over and my headlights got knocked out? But I love it. I love driving standard. I like being down close to the road. It's not a high-powered sportscar, it's not even nice. But I'm used to it, and it's used to me. I like that I can't get above 80mph without the car shaking. I like that I control the transmission myself. I like that when I drive this car, I am completely in control of it. I know just how fast I can take curves and what the drag feels like. I know the size of it and how it fits into parking spaces, how the transmission handles. In short, I've got a thing going with this car.

The good news is that it's getting repaired. Yay! For just under $1000 too, which is amazing. Of course, everything will still be banged-up. The transmission will still be going out. The bumper will still be scratched up and messed up. It will still weigh so little that if not for the parking break, it could roll out of my parking space during school every day. It will still not do well at high speeds. But it will be driveable until I go to college, which is the main goal here. I don't have to ride with my parents anymore!

Part of this could be my consideration for inanimate objects. Even when I was little I was always very conscious about the feelings of the objects around me. If someone gets me a stuffed animal I have to put it on my bed and sleep with it, because if I don't, I feel like its feelings might get hurt. When I was little I felt guilty about losing my toys because I was sure they'd feel lost, scared, and alone. My iPods all have names. Milo and I are getting to know each other--his strange new features and amazing memory never cease to amaze me. Eighty gigabytes. Holy crap. I'm just barely at 21 gig now. I don't want to throw things I have away, ever. All my old notebooks are still sitting on my shelf, my middle-school rantings just taking up space. But I don't want to throw them away, because I feel like when you pour that much of yourself into something it becomes important, and you don't just throw away Important. I might burn them, someday. Before I go to college.

On other news. My school doesn't have a school newspaper. It's probably not as unfortunate as it sounds, considering the literacy of my school. So around midnight, Monday night, I woke up and said: "Aha! I shall start  a FAKE, SARCASTIC school newspaper and call it the Blackguard" and lo and behold, here I have an Illustrator file. I'm waiting on contributions from the soccer team and everyone. It has articles like: "Mollee's Pet Peeves", "Daniel Johnson's Bright Ideas", "What Would Wheeler Wear," and Weather/Fashion. As in: "The rest of the week will be rainy.  Please refrain from wearing your sweatpants with galoshes. You're walking across the parking lot, not wading through a stream." And etc. Completely, 100% sarcastic. Especially since it's not even supposed to rain for the rest of this week.
abigailnicole: (Default)

I feel like talking. I see a giant sea of black umbrellas, tomorrow, I can see it....it's supposed to rain, it's going to rain all week, the ground's going to be wet and muddy. But I can't bring my umbrella, because my umbrella is white with rainbow polka-dots, and you do not take that to a funeral. and I can't really wear my raincoat either, because it's bright blue, and everyone else will be wearing black...I'm going to, though, because I'll be wearing a black dress. but it'll still be raining, and I don't want to stand there and look dumb... and I'll be out of school and I'm starving right now.

I was taking pictures of things while I was driving, which is a really bad idea, and listening to Sufjan, my favorite Sufjan Stevens, and all the things that that entails. It's like a punch in the face. And I was thinking this is why I write, there's so much stuff. I mean, I don't write because it's cool or because it's popular or because I'm stuck-up or I studied, I write because it's what I want to do. I want to communicate with people, I want to let them know how I feel and make them feel the same way. It's the only way to tell people what's really happening, what's going on. Even though it can be interpreted different ways, it means the same thing. Whatever it meant to you, it's going to mean the same thing, no matter who reads it, and that's the beauty of writing. If you're a good writer, you can make it mean that to someone else. You want them to feel what you're feeling, you want to connect with them on that level. That's why I'm so bad at talking to people I don't know. Or even people I know. I sat next to Jason and Nick tonight and I had no idea what to say to them. I just sat there. I just feel so uncomfortable around those people, like everything I say isn't going to be cool enough...and does that make sense? being 'cool enough', that's silly, but when you're cool with people you're understood and you understand. I'm not that. I don't know how to relate to people. Maybe I am eccentric enough after all.

But it's so hard to connect with people, people who I don't know anything about, or people who don't want to do anything or be anything. I don't know what they want. What do they want out of life? What are they doing to get it? Do they not know what they want, do they want anything? I don't understand. You've got to feel something, you've got to want something. I can't connect with people I don't understand. I don't know, I'm crazy, like a psychpath.

This week has been so busy and I only have a half a tank of gas. I get so worried about gas all the time. I get so worried about everything, it's like...I don't know. I say it's the way my parents raised me, because I worry about the cost of things all the time. I live in a three-story house on the lake with a giant deck. We have three cars, two boats, a three-car garage. We're not living in poverty, but I worry about the price of everything. I buy sunglasses at the dollar store, all my clothes come off clearance racks (except for what my boyfriend buys me), everything I have is cheap. I'm afraid of getting new things, I'm afraid of spending money. I'm afraid of having nice things, I always say I'm poor even when there's $80 in my wallet. I'm so conservative. I'm seventeen, you're supposed to be really liberal, and not care about that stuff...but I'm so conservative, so cheap. It's so strange...worrying about nothing, about everything. I care about everything, I don't want my parents to have to buy me gas and support me, I don't want to make people worry, I don't want to be any trouble to anyone, to ask anyone to do anything for me.

But I want to know why people do things. I care about stuff like that. I want to know why people do what they do. Not why their brain is making them do what they do...I want to know their reasons, what are they thinking in their head? Because if I understand what they're thinking that makes them want to do something, I can understand them. Then we can talk about something. But if they're not going to talk to me, then I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do with Monica because I wrote her this letter. badmonsterletterodoom. ughletter. I was just trying to connect with her, trying to get her to talk about it, because she won't talk about it. Anytime you ask her how she's doing, she says: "I'm fine." Okay, you're not fine, you mom just shot herself. I want to say Stop trying to be strong for everybody, stop trying to be fine, it's okay. We're there for you. I want to grab her and shake her and be like STOP SHUTTING YOURSELF IN THERE. I want to know what's going on, I want to be in there with you, I don't want you to go through this by yourself.

I don't want you to go through this by yourself.
abigailnicole: (devil & god)
my friend monica ([livejournal.com profile] musical_writer) came home Sunday night from church to find her mother. She found her mom lying on the couch with a gun still in her hand.

I'm trying to help, me and Melissa ([livejournal.com profile] gamerchikmalfoy) went over there tonight for a long time. She's been staying with her friends...if you read her journal you'll realize that a lot of bad things have happened to her--her car broke down, she has kidney stones and ovarian cists, her father and brother have both abandoned her, and now this, so she's completely alone. We spent a few hours with her tonight, and it hasn't hit yet, you can tell.

It's hard to know what to do, what to say, to get close or stay away or what is right and what's wrong. You just do the best you can.
abigailnicole: (Default)
so tonight we had another "Floor is Lava" party. We had our last one about two weeks ago, where we all get together and eat and go to the park to play "the floor is lava" on the playground equipment. Inevitably I end up running to the dollar store right before these things and buying goodies for everyone. last time it was scented bubbles. This time, I bought the girls a tiara and clip-on earring set and the boys ninja swords. There are seven of us every time. And it's tons and tons of fun. This week's theme was supposed to be "The floor is lava with lavaproof vehicles" and the vehicles had to be like tricycles or wagons, but mollee was the only one who brought hers, as evidenced.

also nathan with the ninja sword, striking a fanciful pose.

These parties are lots of fun. We met at El Dorado's around five and didn't end the party until around ten thirty. next time you should come party with us. we talk about farm animals and our strange childhoods and Daniel Johnson being a pokemon and draw with sidewalk chalk and play volleyball with six and seven year olds. they also were better than us. and all get dizzy on the merry-go-round at the same time and spend an hour in McDonalds just talking about how to avoid speeding tickets (yell: "explosive diarrhea!"). nilly nollee lorey.
it makes life better.
abigailnicole: (Default)
It's time for Nicole's Monthly Menstrual Crochet Project! This week, we have:

March 80 strawberry-lime bag!

inspired by the eighty-to-ninety degree weather we've been having, and my friend making me a knitted purse for my birthday.

Other news: I started reading and really like No Rest for the Wicked. So, um, read it.


Feb. 21st, 2007 09:33 pm
abigailnicole: (Default)
So, the thing I am giving up for lent is snacking. I'm only eating at meals now.

...I'm going to starve.

I thought about keeping a lent journal, but I'm not that religious. I just want to do something to turn my life around and forty days of intensive writing sounds good. Too bad I don't have time or motivation for that.

Also, I can't stop listening to this song, feel free to nibble at it a bit too.
abigailnicole: (OMG)
So, I just found this song on a friend's myspace and had to upload it for y'all.

The Heights' rendition of The Bazooka Bubble Gum Song. Featuring such intricate and delicate lyrics as:
my mom she gave me a dollar
she told me to buy a collar
but I ain't buying no collar
instead I bought some
bazooka-zooka bubblegum!
bazooka-zooka bubblegum!

I don't know if you can buy it, but you can download it at  their myspace.
abigailnicole: (Default)
I had a conversation with this guy in my Anatomy class about Bright Eyes today, which makes me happy, seeing as I've been obsessing over Conner Oberst lately. Speaking of that, I cut a sticker which, once I get the sticker part out, can double as a stencil, that says 'bright eyes' and has a bird. And once I stencil it, it will be a YELLOW bird. 

In keeping with the needlework obsession, I started a scarf last night for Shimmer (by Fuel) and one today to try knitting drop-stitch.

I think the only requirement to get on What Not To Wear is to wear tapered pants when you shouldn't be. And, according to Stacy and Clinton, you should never wear tapered pants.

and YouSendIt randomly upgraded my account for a month. My comapany name was Yarn and Twine and my dropbox is at abeekneecoal . Would anyone like me to send anything?


abigailnicole: (Default)

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