abigailnicole: (happy)


last night I had a very vivid dream about a post-apocalyptic world where humans are all living in a submarine, salvaging earth's now-underwater cities. All human memory and brain functions are kept in a computer, and humans are kept in statis and activated as needed to run the ship. I had just been activated and was working with five other people to run this huge submarine by ourselves, going in and out of underwater-diving suits and trying to remember how to do things. The problem was that the ship's computer kept taking damage, and thus it became harder and harder to remember the things you needed to do. I only recognized the feeling of jealousy I had when I saw the biochemical pathways stored in the computer, and when I was playing the piano I realized all the chords were codons that coded for different amino acids.

In my next dream I was a Doctor's companion. My phone rang, and it said the Arrow Sisters were calling--trying to get to the Doctor through my phone. They told him that the police had finally caught up with him and they were sending the Bees and the Terrible Jack. The Bees were flying robotic parasites, and the Terrible Jack (not harkness) was some sort of skeleton jack monster--the Doctor made some joke about "The bees will be gone by the time Jack arrives" which didn't make me feel better. I, like any companion, was determined to go with him and arguing vehemently about him running off by himself--but I think he knocked me out, because when I woke up (in the dream) he was gone and Evian told me I had been asleep for days.

I take it as a sign all the tall, dark, skinny, clever males in my life are disappearing.


I woke up to listen to Kate Nash. She's got a new CD out, and at first I was hesitant but it's growing on me. A bit more punk than I'm used to and prefer from her--Doo-Wah was so much That Time crossed with the 50s, but it's starting to grow on me. Ditto with the pseudo-spoken word Don't You Want To Share The Guilt? but the opening track Paris remains my favorite, so have it. It's all summer, sunshine and things going fast and a little bit of early 50s rock-n-roll vibe? That's the CD as a whole, though, not Paris necessarily, so take it and have a listen.

I've begun eating my roommate's Luna bars, too. Only the Blueberry Bliss ones, though; the ones with chocolate in them make my teeth hurt. Sorry, Starfish. But they're delicious. I have an orgo test tonight, lots of carbonyl condensation and alpha substitution and the Hell-Volhard-Zelinskii reaction, carboxylic acids, amides, acid chlorides, acid anhydrides.....

but how long until all the people in my life start disappearing? I'll wake up and they'll be gone, Arrow Sisters and Bees not withstanding. My time is limited anyway; two more years at max and then we'll all go our separate ways. I'm ready to have my own room and decorate the walls but I'm not ready to give up my soon-to-be housemates.

so news

Mar. 5th, 2010 11:48 pm
abigailnicole: (lonely adenosine)
good things:
  1. O MAN THEY'RE MAKING A GOING POSTAL MOVIE LOOK AT MOIST VON LIPWIG:



    excitement.
  2. listening to Sterogum's Independent's Day Mix which I never get tired of. However I have it arranged alphabetically by artist, which is how iTunes decided to do it, but I think I rather like that order, I like having Psychic City Last
  3. I'm finally drinking a coke, I've wanted one for hours.
  4. I'm having a birthday tomorrow, 1pm, audubon park, picnic. I gave you invitations and you're cordially invited, bring your own cup. PB&J and lemonade will be served.
  5. brunch in the Quarter at my birthday!



bad things/to do list:
  1. carbonyl reactions, memorize them --test tuesday. Finish chapter 20 carboxylic acid homework. Work some synthesis problems on the whiteboard/legal paper.
  2. electric current homework due saturday
  3. creative scholars application, set up date to meet and go over it next week, also write creative scholars personal statement
  4. start reading Freud's Dora for English monday
  5. send out mail for my wives/michael winn that has been sitting round on my desk for a bit
  6. orgo lab, physics lab over the weekend

  7. this orgo test is gonna be the worst. so many reactions, so much synthesis and it's all so awful much. Synthesis has been compared to organic chemistry chess--start with this reactant and end up with a product. Write a series of steps that will give you the correct one. Just thinking retrosynthetically requires such a knowledge of how reactions fit together, not only the chemistry but all the reagents, acid-catalyzed epoxide hydrolysis vs base-catalyzed epoxide hydrolysis, if you use an isotopally labeled oxygen where does it end up. Reducing and oxidizing alcohols, carboxylic acids, ketones, aldehydes. Wittig rxn, Grignard reactions, protecting the grignard reagent with acetals and removing the acetals in aqueous acid wash. RAR RAR RAR ahhhhhhhhhh


IF I GET THROUGH THIS NEXT WEEK MAYBE I'LL ENJOY BEING 20
abigailnicole: (bad day)


in bed feeling sick, listening to Organic chemistry--the Kamikaze hearts, I mean--and doing organic chemistry. ethers shouldn't be giving me this much trouble. but about 3pm my head started filling up and by 5 my ears were pressurized at what feels like 3atm. I've been going slowly, I stumbled a bit about Kekule and how he invented line-bond structure before they discovered the electron, how clever! necessity is the mother of invention. He dreamed up the benzene structure in his sleep and came up with the idea of resonance, the single-double bond alternating but of course they didn't know about electrons much less orbital or the electron cloud, for 1850 he was damn important. how clever he must have been. Of the first five Nobel Prizes ever awarded his students won three. (van't Hoff was one. Gen chem 2 is coming back to haunt me) I still think A Short History of Nearly Everything may be the most wondrous book I've read

It's Lundi Gras, I'm in bed with homework and headache. I might do parades tomorrow, but oh that's a lot of parades on a stuffy head, I did a few already and it makes one's feet ache. Next year I turn 21 on Lundi Gras, can you imagine the joviality? Turning 21 in New Orleans the day before Mardi Gras! how droll, how jovial. drovial.

I am hungry but all I have to eat is oatmeal and my roommate's giant stash of luna bars. there is, however, a vending machine around the corner. I think I'll go do one of those things and hope my sudafed kicks in soon. Poor pseudoephedrine, you've been used as a natural decongestant for 3000 years and now I have to be over 18 to buy you and sign a form in Walgreens saying I won't make methamphetamine with you, what did you do to get such a bad rap...at least they're making Drixoral again.
abigailnicole: (Default)


I just had a heart attack because I thought my physics homework and my orgo test were the same day. Thankfully, they're not. JOYFUL DAY. SHARE MY JOY WITH A SONG

The Temptation of Adam, by Josh Ritter

which is about love in a nuclear bunker. "If this was a Cold War we could keep each other warm," being the first line. Catherine made me listen to it in Orgo one day, and when I went to download it, it was already in my iTunes! fantastic! "I never had to learn to love her, like I learned the love the bomb"? You'd think with lyrics like that ("that our love would live a half-life on the surface") it'd be facetious, but it's all sweet, cute, writin'-your-girlfriend-an-acoustic-guitar song ("in a top secret location three hundred feet underground" way).

oh I've gotten awful homesick. I wrote my mother an email, because I haven't contacted her in weeks, and just trying to write it was painful. I don't have much good news to share. I just have a lot to do, all the time, and I am tired.

that's not true, I do have good news to share. tonight I had chicken soup, and italian bread. I have good people to support me. I must become thankful as it is almost thanksgiving, and no one should be a mopey oxygen for thanksgiving.
abigailnicole: (Default)

I'm spending a lot of time in the room alone lately. I think I'll have a crazy dance party to celebrate. That's a lie. I'm not alone, its me and the hamster. did I tell yall we had a secret hamster? I think I did.

I've been dreaming about orgo again. for the first tine in months I started writing stories in my head over the weekend, real ghost stories after my sad halloween story, thinking about beginnings, words printed on a page, you know how sometimes the first half of the first sentence is in small caps, the--

The first drink I ever had
was a mint julep, and I bought it myself.

but that doesn't get me anywhere fast. I'm being a mopey oxygen, but perhaps I'll write something out of it. Last night when I woke up I still felt like I was being polarized in some solvent, DMSO, or DMF, or acetonitrile. I feel like I should go to Dr. Zhang's office hours and talk to her. "I don't have any questions over the chapters, no, thank you, you're a great teacher--but I keep dreaming that I'm an enantiomer, that I'm being built by a concerted mechanism, that I'm being dissolved in solvent slowly, one atom at a time--" she'd think I was crazy. my subconscious is all existential angst mixed with chemistry.

also that sentence is true.


abigailnicole: (death)


today I am waring the large flannel shirt my m other gave me as a dress, listening to Gregory Alan Isakov in the wind and doing homework--

things could be better, this morning I got up at 5am and stumbled out in the dark to throw up in the bathroom. It was cold and I drank coke to try to get the taste of bile out of my mouth; it's still a little achey film on my teeth despite the mouthwash. I am glad I wore this overlarge shirt to bed.

I have 80 orgo problems, 6 chapters of physics for a test, a spanish paper/oral exam, and a project for anthropology. I think I will drink a coke now and do some homework.

thank you

Oct. 22nd, 2009 06:47 pm
abigailnicole: (happy)


I just thought I should tell you that I finished everything on my to-do list for today and it feels FABULOUS. I might take a shower and watch Glee to reward myself. Then, of course, I'll think about molecules some more.

I am very grateful for my boyfriend, my roommates, my parents, my grandparents, my church, my university, and all the people who are coming to visit me for Halloween. Están las razones que me despierto por las manañas.
abigailnicole: (OMG)


Bailey asked me how my life was going "you know, outside of school."

A very puzzling question, indeed.


I'm sitting in the Academic Advising center right now. Physics Lab is due before class at 1, and my lab partner didn't email me his part until after midnight last night....by which point I was asleep...so this morning after physics I frantically ran to my appointment with the pre-med advisor. She's ridiculously laid back and all "meh, whatever" but said if I can keep a 3.6 (KEEP A 3.6) there's a good chance I'll get in Creative Scholars, which means I'll be accepted to Tulane Med School and won't have to take the MCAT unless I really want to (or want to apply to other places). So that's good and I just want to keep a 3.6! so much! If I can keep that up! If I can get a B in physics, an A in Orgo, and an A in everything else. O man. This is even more "KEEP GOOD GRADES" than I already am. 3.6 is real hard, guys. This is college. I have a 3.8 right now but Physics! orgo! ahhhhhh and next semester I want to take Genetics with Dr. V and Orgo II and Physics II and Literary Investigations, because this means that I'll be an English major. Oh look, that's my schedule, unless I also take Spanish. Maybe I'll take a semester off from Spanish. I have to write a paper for spanish today---


basically, it's not going, not really at all. just school. but if this creative Scholars thing works out then I will be GOLDEN after this. Junior and Senior year will be that. So one year of stress now.

and on top of all this I have a sty in my eye and didn't eat breakfast. what a shame
abigailnicole: (dreams)


I'm down to my last coke, a roll of spicy salmon, and one chopstick, studying distillation and gas chromatography. This morning Dr. Zhang told the class to applaud me because I knew the product of hydroboration followed by oxidation was syn -OH -H addition in non-Markonikov regiochemistry. Perhaps dirty, I-slept-in-this black is better than new dresses for days when you haven't showered and need to get things done, but it doesn't make you feel any better

sometimes I wonder if anyone is watching my life, government spies or Big Brother or even the people who live on either side of me, if anyone is watching me I don't know about, watching my black silhouette from some floor above me as I put n my iPod, walk to class, trip over the curb. How boring it must be for them, to watch me navigate all my well-worn paths and highways with such little skill, so much predictability. If God's watching us, I don't believe it's for entertainment value, unless maybe he really likes irony
abigailnicole: (death)


I just wanna wear this hat all the time. I'LL EAT YOU UP!


The more I use Genius and Genius playlists, the less I trust it. iTunes is no replacement for a human playlist, where you can have happy and sad songs together and you can define things not by genre but by individual sound and/or lyrical themes. more on this when I make my next mixtape.

everyone I know is sick.....but I think I'm the carrier? boyfriend has white pus in his throat and my roommate woke up puking and congested, and I am the only link between them. Hurm. Watch me say this and get swine flu. I would spend all my time in bed being so bored, watching the sunlight slats on the floor gradually grow bigger and smaller between naps, wearing this hat (because now I wear it all the time when I'm in my room and won't look like a dork), blowing my nose incessantly, watching lots of Doctor Who. that's a lie, I'd just drag myself to class and do homework and feel awful. but I like to think that being sick would make me leisurely, or at least tired enough not to care when I don't do things.

"evidence for the merchanism of electrophilic addition: carbocation rearrangements" have you ever heard of such a thing? all night I dreamt that every time I rolled over or stretched out I was an isomer, straining all my bonds and creating steric interaction between all my alkyl substituents. today I should write a note to my grandparents, buy stamps, and do some physics.

Neil Gaiman and all my KY friends are talking about cold weather and sweatshirts and canning things for fall (well, mostly Neil Gaiman on that one). While here I am wearing my/Amanda's rainbow sundress and cowboy boots. It is not cold or fall or even close. Maybe it will be fall in November or December. Yum, Nola.
abigailnicole: (death)


advice I have been given recently: think less and see it grow - kelsey
"There is a difference between a shaky or out-of-focus photograph and a snapshot of clouds and fog banks." - Edward Schrodinger

Genius is giving me the same ten songs on every mix I make. it's time to hand-make a mix CD, for fall. I will get back to you on this.

Evian left me a brownie after my orgo test. I needed it. I lost my umbrella, so I was just walking back, in the dark, in the rain by myself, after taking an orgo test. it was a very dense brownie with hints of caramel.....or else she has fed me a pot brownie and I am unaware of it.

Also the government has stopped the sale of flavored cigarettes. You know, because it's the government's job to tell us how to treat our own bodies and what flavors of cigarettes we're allowed to smoke. But now that they're going to be paying for our healthcare, I guess they have the right to tell us what to do with our bodies. That way we're healthier and they spend less of our money on us...

what if I just made graphs of random motions, like people moving about on the patio under my window or the number of steps my roommate takes in an hour, and then asked physics students to analyze the trends. I, too, could force people to analyze meaningless data like the deceleration of cars at the willow stoplight. If a car is traveling 120 km/h and a student begins to cross at 3m/s as the light turns yellow when the car is 50m away, and the driver reacts 3s later, will the car hit the pedestrian? what is the force acting on her body, assuming the car has a mass of 2 tons? will she be killed? will her brains color the pavement, will they try to piece together her fractured skull? what is the reaction time of the driver? if messages are encoded as virtual data that travels at the speed of light, with standard encryption time of 4 hours from pronounced time of death, how long will it be until the phone rings and her mother picks up? if the car then accelerates after the impact back to 120km/h in 10 s, how far away will they be before her body is discovered?
abigailnicole: (Default)


first off, have a song:
Battles - Atlas
it doesn't have any words.

Second off, I've been thinking of Atlas Shrugged a lot lately. Amanda texted me about being on a train, and it got me thinking about Dagny Taggart; then a conversation I was having with someone about the things we liked when we were children and how we consider them silly now reminded me of the same conversation taking place between Dagny and Francisco.

does anyone else have the problem that in iTunes 9 now the mini-player in the taskbar doesn't work? or is that just me?

I've been kind of a mopey, electronegative oxygen all week. Perhaps after all my TESTS are OVER---did I tell y'all we get a three day weekend for Yom Kippur? Jewlane for the win--I will be able to finally relax. My FAVORITE LIBRARY IN ALL THE WORLD has sent me a care package so I can sew them a Where The Wild Things Are hat and Bailey is going to get me yarn so I can make this tree sweater. I'm bribing myself with them if I can get through all these tests in hard classes this week. I've been staring at textbooks and problems so long the words don't register in my brain anymore. This is not helpful.

Also mopey oxygen, clingy fluorine, and hipster noble gases are totally real things to call people. time to study more.
abigailnicole: (death)


aw man, my iTunes just got FANTASTIC. You guys have this, right? Everything is bad and you've been doing the same physics problem for over an hour (pretty soon this blog will just be about how much I hate physics. are you tired of hearing about it? well, I'm not tired of hating it yet, sorry) and everyone is being all funky and then, all of a sudden, Summer in the City comes on! And you feel happy, and then there's even MORE. the killers and tori amos and box car racer and then The Worst Day Since Yesterday, which was just...you know, accurate. It's been the Worst Day since Yesterday.

actual phrase in my spanish workbook, working with verbs of "to become": "La fiesta se pone una orgia, ya que no habia adultos presentes" lolololol. Tenemos orgias en espanol? following sentence: "Cuando recuerdo lo que ocurrio, me puse furiosa" I bet.

Amanda's post on her horrible day makes me want to post about this week. really though it's not that bad, not too many bad things have happened? I just can't take being bad at physics gracefully, I'm not okay with not knowing things and not being able to figure them out and having no clue what's going on. I think this is understandable. Next week I have an orgo test and a physics test, which I probably will invariably complain about some more, and a spanish test. Also is my roommate's birthday next wednesday, and next thursday she has a german project, an orgo test, and a physics test. She's worse off than me, but her stress is making me stress, and it's just not good for either of us.

In anthropology we're reading about food-foragers, the relatively leisurely life of these very low-tech, no-tech societies where people spend most of their time entertaining, talking, searching for food. They work 15-20 hours a week to survive, the rest is just them having a good time and doing whatever it is they do. I'm comparing my life in college with the lives of people who work, even, even very demanding jobs....usually it ends when you come home, you have an allotted period and that's it? am I wrong here? You still have your time. I'm not sure if college is supposed to be time-consuming, if I just can't balance my time correctly: I feel like I'm doing well. And we have all the food we need, and then some, so we are doing nothing to provide for ourselves and working twice as much. Evolution is weird, guys. Evolution is so weird.

When I'm living in a zeppelin floating around the world, I will write books and make things and stop and food-forage. I do not think it will be hard: we will stop in on church dinners and make money playing the ukulele on streetcorners and picking up change in parking lots. I will photoblog my experience and everyone will wonder why they didn't give up this fast-paced lifestyle to float around the world in a blimp. Zeppelin sales will rise exponentially; we will spark a mini lighter-than-air-transport revolution. How much are zeppelins? Do you think they'd be less than med school?
abigailnicole: (Default)


the quilt I made. without the quilting part. I want to make more, a quilt of multicolored beach houses and a mardi gras beads quilt. I want to make things, which is something I'm relatively good at.

Josh's suitemate has swine flu. Since I sit next to him in Orgo, as soon as he gets it I will get it, then JR and Carrie and Bailey and Evian will get it. Also a girl in my spanish class has it and just comes to class anyway. Today I discovered she lives on my floor. So if my roommates don't somehow pick it up first, I'm sure I will and give it to them.

And physics is awful. I don't know about force or magnitude or resultant vectors. I don't know physics at all. We're going to switch. I'm going to do her Orgo lab and she'll do my physics lab. Because I know about chemistry, me and chemistry are good and me and physics are not.

I am going here for dinner. what entrees sound good? I'm thinking shrimp something. I love shrimp a lot. Many of their shrimp dishes are named after people.

I've also discovered that I'm a lot worse friend than I thought I was. In many different ways. And I don't know what to do about it.

I could really use some appreciation right now

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Nicole

March 2013

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